How clerics’ wives can avoid suicidal tendencies —Aladekugbe

Mrs Catherine Olufunmilayo Aladekugbe, wife of the Bishop of Oyo Diocese, Church of Nigeria (Anglican Communion), The Right Reverend Williams Aladekugbe, and an engineer, speaks with RITA OKONOBOH on how she creates a balance between the homefront and the demands of her career, and her advice for women married to clerics.

Brief about background

I’m from Ondo State. I grew up in the state, Akoko, precisely. I attended St. Peter’s Anglican Primary School, Comprehensive High School, Ikare Akoko. I had my OND and HND from Federal Polytechnic, Ado-Ekiti. Then, I had my PGD and Masters from the Federal University of Technology, Akure. I had my PGD in Civil Engineering and Project Management for Masters. I am also the president of the Mothers Union, Women’s Guild and Girls’ Guild in Oyo Anglican Diocese and principal engineer at Akure South Local Government.

It is not common to find women who embrace Engineering as a field of study. What informed your choice?

I’ve always liked the Sciences and Mathematics, right from my primary school. I like practical work.

How did you meet your husband?

I was one of the ushers at our cathedral at Ikare Akoko when I was younger, while my husband was the chaplain to the bishop at the time. He came and asked me to marry me. At that time, I thought God would speak directly to me as was the stories we had heard about marriage proposals. So, when he asked me to marry him, it felt a little unusual.

Did you ever think you would marry a priest?

In spite of being very active in church activities, I never knew I would marry a priest. However, it is a very wonderful experience and God has always been faithful.

You must have heard of the story of the pastor’s wife, who committed suicide in Akure, a few days ago. What would be your advice to clerics’ wives on making their marriages work?

I also heard of it. It happened very close to my office. That has been the talk of the town since it happened. Although the details of why she did such is not clear, I would like to advise women married to clerics to imbibe patience and perseverance. Even in our respective families, before marriage, we had arguments with our family members; how much more two people coming together from different backgrounds. We must learn to persevere and be patient. I wonder what could have happened that would have led her to commit suicide, knowing the implications as a Christian and as a cleric’s wife. God would not be happy that a person would take a soul that he/she cannot create.

A lot of women come to pastors’ wives for advice on marriage and keeping their homes. However, these clerics’ wives experience challenges when it comes to finding whom they can actually go to for advice. What would you advise?

First and most important, I would advise them to go to God in prayer. Also, there are elders one can also talk to. For instance, for a bishop’s wife, she can go to the archbishop’s wife too. However, the best thing is to go to God in prayer.

You have been married to a cleric for 23 years now. Based on your experience, how would you advise cleric-husbands on understanding their wives and making their marriages work?

It is said that the way you treat your wife is the way she will be treated by the generality of people. If you shower her with praises, that is how she will be treated outside. Same goes for the wives too. Husbands and wives should learn to be positive in their thinking and actions towards each other. We must be careful in what we do, especially in how we relate as a couple.

You’re a bishop’s wife, a mother and a career woman. How do you create a balance?

People usually ask me that question. I do my best, through God’s help, to create a balance at home, in the church and at work. I try my best to live by example, because I know there are people looking up to me.

How would you advise single women preparing to get married on having successful marriages?

These days, many women get married for the wrong reasons. Some get married for money and when the money becomes scarce, the marriage begins to experience problems. Women preparing for marriage need to learn to be humble and patient. They should eschew nagging. Some, who are career women, go as far as rubbing their fat salaries and allowances in the faces of their husbands. That is not advisable. A woman needs to be respectful and patient.