Bedmatics 101 for husbands

Dear reader, a friend sent me this on a social medium and I believe it will bless you. Enjoy.

Everybody is interested in sex but we all avoid the topic like a plague. This is especially so in religious circles. While this is a common occurrence, the truth remains that sex has always been a major issue in marriage; in fact, it has broken many marriages. Often times, sexual issues occur because of ignorance, misconceptions or misunderstanding of some basic and simple things. These sex tips for married couples would help spice up a marriage:

• Dear husband, lovemaking does not start at night in the bedroom, it actually ends there. Lovemaking starts in the morning when you look at your wife as she dresses for work, tell her she’s ravishingly beautiful, drop a light kiss on her lips and wish her a beautiful day. All of these are the prologue to night time blues.

• Dear husband, lovemaking progresses with those intermittent calls or text messages during the day that say: “thinking about you”, “I love you”, “your beautiful face is imprinted on my heart indelibly” etc.

My dear brother, don’t make the mistake of saying you don’t have time for all that messy and mushy stuff. I’m telling you how to get her where you want her to be. So, listen to me. Women respond to words; so, learn to be a good word artist. Moreover, we both know that what happens in bed, especially with the sweats and body fluids, is far messier and mushier than those words. So, if you don’t mind the mess and mush of bedroom antics, then you shouldn’t mind the mushiness of those words. Telling her stuff like that only makes her pliant in your hands when the time comes. No man enjoys making love to a log of wood.

• Love making intensifies in the kitchen. Don’t be shocked my brother; the kitchen is not only for cooking, we do have kitchen blues. You see, when you get back from work, yes, I know you are tired, the world is upon your shoulders etc, but remember that your tiredness never stops you from making love or asking for it. In fact, we both know that for guys, lovemaking is a wonderful “de-stressor.” So, when you get home, settle down a bit, check on your babe in the kitchen (nobody says you must chop the vegetables for her, though that will be nice too), just hug her from behind, drop a light kiss on her neck or cheeks, tell her well done, ask how her day has been, tell her she smells good even if the sweat of cooking your food has masked her perfume a bit, pat her bum playfully, pick one of the meat she’s boiled and exit the kitchen fast. Bro, play with your wife; she’s as stressed and tired as you are.

Little things like these make your wife responsive to your advances. You can’t go about the house all day long with the expression of a General going to war, commanding this and that, complaining about everything, creating fear and hurt feelings, then at night you expect a soft, pliant and responsive lady in your arms! It doesn’t work like that; women are not wired that way.

That is probably the reason for your wife’s constant reluctance and excuses and the wives that don’t say no may just lie there waiting for you to do whatever you want to do quickly and get up so she can have some peace (something guys hate).

If you want to get to Jerusalem my brother, you have to be a good pilot and a smooth operator. Women don’t like or respond well to bumpy rides; they love smooth journeys. If you make her day sweet, your own nights will be heavenly.