Assumptions as conflict breeders in marriage

IT is an established fact that communication is one major pillar of a successful marriage. Communication must therefore be effective if it will serve a good purpose in marriage. Poor communication is a major factor leading to conflict in marriage. Poor communication means that communication is not effective. For communication to be effective, the message must be received by the recipient.

However, assumptions are the enemy of healthy communication in marriage.

Assumptions breed conflict because they do not align with the reality of the situations in marriage. We make assumptions as to the motive of our partners, what they desire, what they expect, among other things. All these assumptions can lead to wrong judgment about our partners and thus lead us to taking wrong decisions that will end in conflicts. A man, on a shopping trip, gave his wife all the money on him. He informed her that she should keep certain amount to buy fuel for the car on their way home. After shopping, he stopped at a petrol station to buy fuel, but the wife did not have money for the fuel. Her reason, she assumed her husband must still have some money with him apart from what he gave her. But it was not true. This became a conflict point for the couple that day.

In marriage, we can get into big trouble by getting into a mindset that assumes, “I know he is hurting me deliberately”, “He should know that I will want to have sex tonight”, “I know she will never forgive me for this”, “If he cares he will ask me why I am quiet”, among others. Definitely, there are better ways to communicate our mind to each other, than making assumptions.

The truth is that it is better to ask rather than making assumptions as to what happens and then act based on such assumptions. Couples will save themselves from unnecessary conflicts when we learn to deal with ourselves not on assumptions, but on real facts gotten from each other. So, DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS. Express your feelings and ask your spouse to do the same. Come straight with each other by discussing our thoughts with each other. When this is done, conflict areas are reduced and couples can live ‘happily hereafter’ for life.

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