5 reasons your children are not close to you

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3 years ago

As a parent, you are probably wondering why your children are not close to you, and would rather spend more time outside the home than with you. You’ll be learning why this happens as you read on.

Contents

1. You shout at them 2. You are dishonest and pretentious 3. You compare them with others 4. They are not assured of your love for them 5. You don’t model what you teach

They prefer to be away from you at every opportunity they get, because being around you seems to stifle something in them. Other times, they don’t know how to hide how your presence makes them uncomfortable, and a moment from you would get them excited, and make them be at peace.

Many a time, it’s not because your children have grown to hate you that they are doing this, but because it’s not something you have taught them to be used to. However, there are many other reasons that could be responsible for this behaviour.

The following are the reasons your children are not close to you

1. You shout at them

No doubt, children can be a handful and can prove to be stubborn sometimes. There are times when you might be forced to yell at them and scold them badly for what they’ve done.

So, even when they do nothing wrong, it has become a part of you to yell at them because of the impression that you already have of them being stubborn.

Your children are not close to you because whenever you try to say something to them, you yell at them and scare them off with your approach, and most especially with your tone of voice.

Maybe next time, you should be deliberate about communicating clearly and softly instead of shouting at them. How would you take it if your partner or someone that’s a part of your life yelled and shouted at you at every opportunity they got? You’d either try to talk it out with them or intentionally distance yourself from them.

2. You are dishonest and pretentious

Your children have seen you give them your word and go back on it several times. They’ve also seen you pretend to people that matter, including your partner.

When you lie to people in the presence of your children, it gives them an idea of who you are. Other times, parents teach their children to lie to people in order to get away with things. Not once, not twice, but on several occasions.

Your children are not close to you because they know that they cannot trust you with important things and they also know that you’ll probably be dishonest about it.

They can’t ask you questions that they’d love to ask because they know that you are capable of telling a lie, and you could probably manipulate them into believing it.

It hurts children to see their parents being dishonest, so they’d rather be distant instead of being around you. Because being around you would mean that they would have to compulsorily put up with your dishonest tactics.

3. You compare them with others

Your children are not close to you because you don’t hesitate to compare them with people at every opportunity you get. It hurts them when you constantly rub the fact that you are disappointed in them in their faces.

Comparison also gives them the impression that you’d be unhappy around them as long as they don’t meet up with your expectations. And they know deep down that they are trying so hard to make you proud.

Instead of comparing them with their peers, try supporting them. Your support would make a huge difference in shaping them.

4. They are not assured of your love for them

One of the qualities a parent ought to possess is the ability to assure your children that you love them. Some parents find it awkward to tell their children that they love them so they’d rather show it rather than do both.

So, if you are wondering why your children are not close to you, it is probably because they are not assured of your love for them.

5. You don’t model what you teach

One of the quickest ways for children to learn from you is to see you modelling all that you’ve taught them. That way, they know that all that you’ve been teaching them are achievable and are not mere theory.

Your children are not close to you because you do the direct opposite of what you teach them. You teach them not to tell lies, fight or steal, but in one way or another, they’ve watched you break these rules over and over again.

It makes them cringe and sometimes troubles them to see that you are acting differently from all you’ve taught them.

What will you do differently as a parent, starting from today?

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