Gibbers

2Face and the fury of online in-laws

SAVE for his perceivably flippant zipper, enduring Nigerian music act, Innocent Idibia, popularly known as 2Face, has a persona that is almost reined and solemn even when rapturous and has a philosophical way of communicating despite the brevity of his academic accomplishments. I deliberately avoided personality, because even those not constantly in the public eyes like him, have been known to curate a synthetic of self, selling the public the dummy, complete with duplicate and triplicate, while the real man {in generic term} is tucked inside, manifesting out of view, and most of the times, bringing deep sorrow to those unfortunate to be stuck with such imitations with breath.

There was a time Funke Akindele, a.k.a Jenifa would give me a run for my headship of my family because I might even end voting her against me. She was that beloved in my family. For every scandal or negative news, for us, she was always the victim of joyless men and bad-belle colleagues. Then stories of her out-of-public view mean-spiritedness began to seep in from closets closest to her. Well we still love Jenifa like thousands of adoring movie-goers, helping her to break one box office record after the other, but we are no longer beholden to the story of beauty and the beasts. Even the beauty can be a beast.

That was how we used to stress over sweetheart songstress, Tiwa Savage when the T bilisi {playing on former husband’s stage name Tee Billz to convey Yoruba’s lexical item for trouble} began until the guy wan pai himself {Gen Z’s lackadaisical conveyance of suicide}. Then some Tiwarians {fan base} like yours truly, began to look beyond her sublime persona and the nightingale gifting, trying to accept the possibility that maybe all we see outside na packaging {carefully-worked images she wants the public to buy}.

Going by the years-long public accustomation to Idibia’s carefully-managed image as a model {minus the raging libido} for youngsters both within and outside the entertainment industry, cool and easy-going with lauded propensity to avoid public drama despite the plenty baby mama dramas around his existence, he left practically everyone reeling with his decision to shift public affection from his estranged wife, Annie Macaulay to Sir Igbinedion’s granddaughter and Edo lawmaker, Natasha, within just two weeks of setting the social media on fire with his self-reported separation from Annie.

He completed the perceived out-of-character spin by proposing to the gorgeous but controversial money-babe, all within 14 days, adding to the hell’s fury being brought on him by Annie;s admirers and close friends led by maverick dresser Toke Makinwa and guess who, Iyabo Ojo. Said to be aiding things on Annie’s behalf in the background is, guess who, Tiwa. All Annie’s three bosom friends and tear-wipers are divorcees. Not profiling, just stating what they seem proud of and displaying with glee in their resumes.

In his 1988 classic “Patience” Baba Commander, Ebenezer “Obey” Fabiyi used the star track “Suuru la fi nsoko obinrin” {patience is key to being a husband},to rhapsodize, well without mathematical details, about marriage being a prime number, almost indivisible, though the sad part is that in mathematics, prime numbers can divide themselves without remainders. Figure 1 can also divide them. So, one romance-fatigued partner can pull the asunder card.

No matter the hurt, it is in rare cases you find separating couples doing what Yoruba will call tu isu de isale ikoko {spilling everything}, even if the marriage lasted for just three minutes like that of the Kuwaiti couple who hold the record for the most fleeting marriage in human history.

Divorce epidemic is everywhere, continent-for-continent, neighbourhood-for-neighbourhood. It is not good judgement to come for a party in a divorce with cudgels, because the perceived intimacy with the other party, may still not guarantee the warriors, whether internet-based or operating on-ground marriage vigilante, full access to how the yam died and how the knife peeled it. In order not to end like those referenced as “madaru” {home wreckers} who were locked out when Baba and Mama Toyin in Obey’s story-line were reconciling, chuckling behind locked door, those tightening their already-thinned waists with oja {Yoruba’s local baby-strapping shawl}, may want to mellow.

In Malachi 2:16, God expressly says He hates divorce and the Bible is very clear under the conditions to divorce. Annie and Tuface are Christians and I am sure there would be spiritual fathers somewhere counselling them, especially the woman, who is assumed scorned here. I will advise both parties and others like them, to ensure that whatever they do here, their eternity isn’t compromised because Jesus even said in Matthew 22:30 that “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. they will be like the angels in heaven”. So why would anyone want to sacrifice eternal bliss for something ephemeral and earthly.

Marriage is a complex institution. What works for one may bear very sorrowful fruits for another. It is like the cocoa plant from the nursery, which has to live for the planter to be hailed as an expert. Religion isn’t an answer to the contours of marriage. Only God, through His Holy Spirit, can ensure its survival for everyone that chooses to partake of its sweetness and well, the hidden bitterness. Hollywood is the testifier against the notion of money and fame being a rock for an enduring marriage.

Say what you will, Innocent and Annie tried. Until penultimate week, they tried to live as husband and wife since May 2, 2012. That was almost 13 years, constantly in the public eye with every step being tailed by paparazzi and every word and the most innocuous of acts being given wild interpretations by the gossip section of the new media. Despite his gentle mien, Tuface has also shown he can match the needless tantrums from Annie’s all-female Generals. Even if his personality is tangential to his persona, the pepper-dem approach to replacing Annie within the shortest possible time, points to a bottled desire for vengeance, possibly arising from serial hurt. Even those putting him in the firing range have yet to accuse him of inherent wickedness, which means what he is doing right now, is more of deciding to end what he has tried to live with, possibly for years. But doing Timaya’s as e dey sweet us, omo e dey pain dem {taking victory lap with Natasha} should not be Mr. Idibia’s priority right now. He might just be taking the Natasha plunge as a rebound, without realising it while the young woman is relishing all the attention. There are breakups and divorces that go to the emotions marrows. The world would have loved then-Prince and now-King Charles and global princess Diana together forever. But Consort-Camilla is somewhat getting Charles right where Diana failed. If Harry and the witch-of-Windsor Meghan failed to click for long, the world would welcome what it has always expected. Yet Megxit may survive for decades in America and even blossom to old age.

Persona is a Latin word meaning theatrical mask. Unless those intimate with feuding couples, especially celebrities {which some gripping fellows have tweaked as yeyebrities} who are always different in public for the camera, it is dangerous judging people we don’t really know. The most frightening is Jesus saying in Matthew 7:1–5 that those who judge shall be judged with the same measure they judge others. Internet warriors, be careful.

You will never know the whole story. If not for the outrageous infamy pushing them into the history book, who would have thought that a newly-wedded couple would divorce over the wife tripping after signing the dotted line and the groom calling her a fool, when the whole tripping situation would have been a perfect moment for the couple to show they would always be there for each other? Was the wife right or wrong for also demanding an immediate annulment for being “disrespected”? Marriage sef!

Lanre Adewole