THE issue of infidelity in marriage is still our focus this week because of the numerous feedbacks received on last week’s article. From the feedback, it’s obvious that majority of married couples will avoid infidelity with all it takes. This is because they hate its consequences, especially, the wives. I have therefore decided to consider other ways of keeping at bay the monster called infidelity in marriage. I believe this issue of infidelity in marriage deserves all the necessary attention due to its devastating consequences on the marriage institution in particular, and the society at large. The consequences of bodily harm, emotional trauma, murder, suicide and others are better imagined than experienced. This leaves bitter tastes in the mouth that must be avoided, so we should spare no effort in dealing with infidelity. After all, it is the truth that there is no smoke without fire (except in spiritual cases). What I mean is that we should cut off infidelity in dealing with the attendant consequences as enumerated below.
Ways to avoid infidelity
- Ensure that couples enjoy great intimacy: This means that couples must be like snail and its shell, or like it is being popularly stated figuratively, “five and six.” When such a level of closeness is achieved, infidelity becomes near impossibility. This is achievable through daily renewal of marital commitment. Marriage requires a daily commitment if it is to withstand the challenges of life. This commitment is renewable through verbal and attitudinal means towards themselves and in relating with others. Leave no doubt in the hearts of people that your hearts belong to each other. In my marriage, friends and relatives of different climes know that we are both“love and honey,” and it is difficult to come against, or in between us, successfully. It is a commitment that has kept intruders at bay. We are one as husband and wife.
- Create an atmosphere for great sex life in your marriage: One of the purposes of marriage is to enjoy sexual satisfaction. This is crucial to the health of a marriage. With sexual satisfaction, temptation of infidelity becomes a near impossibility, if not totally impossible. That is why a couple with great sex life can surmount any challenge. It is a spirit, soul, and body exercise that binds couples together. Let your spouse become your only sex partner as you make sex an adventure in your marriage, especially the men who seem to be the more adventurous in the matter of sex. My book on ‘Enjoying Great Sex Life’ is a master piece on such adventurous sex. The unfortunate reality is that spouses are more vulnerable to flirtations and sexual advances from others when their sex life is unhappy at home. According to the author of 101 Marriage Secrets, “lock your heart against flirtations and sexual advances”. This means it’s not on the menu in your heart: no consideration, no thought, no trying to see if someone is leading you on, with respect to infidelity. Don’t smell what you won’t eat, or like a tribal proverb says, “Don’t look inside the bush so that you will not see shit.” Set boundaries in your relationships either male or female, that you will never cross in order to avoid infidelity. For instance, don’t be in company of people who talk about sexual escapades with persons other than their spouses. Also, don’t discuss your spouse’s sex acts with others, especially their weaknesses or ‘hot spots,’ this is private, and must be made private as much as possible. If your boundaries are challenged by a person, explain to him or her that you and your spouse are committed to keeping your marriage safe, and have chosen these boundaries.
- Be quick to recognise signals of infidelity and flee from it: In many cases, the first step down the path of infidelity starts with individuals sharing intimate personal information with each other on a regular basis, without confiding in their spouses. You and your spouse must be committed to keeping your marriage safe, and have chosen these boundaries. In many cases this could be mistaken as feelings of intimacy, and keeping it secret encourages this intimacy to grow.
Warning signs
- An increased excitement about seeing or meeting with someone of the opposite sex in particular.
- Being alone in secluded places with a person of the opposite sex and consuming alcohol when your spouse is not present, especially due to marital conflict, and you feel vulnerable because of feelings of loneliness, rejection or anger towards your spouse.
Be open in your marriage to all issues about your life together. This is best done if you and your spouse openly discuss the things you can do to avoid an affair. As you discuss ways to keep your marriage strong, you will garner strength to prevent an affair from happening. It is also important to commit to letting each other know if you are feeling vulnerable or if a situation has the potential of turning in a direction that may get out of control. This however must be handled in a manner that will not make a spouse to be jealous or feel inadequate or threatened.
The list of what to do to keep your marriage free from infidelity is really inexhaustible. Each couple must therefore come up with what should work for them, based on the knowledge of each other at their disposal. That is, ordinarily each partner should know what can be a red light of his or her partner, and do all to protect him or her. May we overcome this monster of a thing called infidelity in our marriages.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books, “enjoying great sex life”, and “ how to help your wife enjoy sex”. Contact 08112658560 for details.
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