Would you marry someone who earns significantly lesser/higher than you?

Finance is a big part of marriage, if two people are coming together to become one, there is a need to clarify where their finance stands. In a bid to check the temperature of the public, WhatsApp Conversation this week asked the question ‘Would you agree to marry anyone who earns significantly lesser/higher than you?’

Here are the responses we got:

 

Joseph Osifeso

Of course, yes. Many might not find it to be convenient but it depends on mutual understanding. After all, it is someone’s wife that is the queen of a kingdom and the president of a country. It is first about understanding, the role everyone is supposed to play within the marriage. If she is submissive, it is not going to be an issue.

 

Adama Florence

I will say yes and no depending on some factors. It is a yes if he’s a very serious and ambitious individual who puts his words and aspirations into actions. I will equally say yes, if he is committed to making and earning his own money regardless of the fact that I earn more or enough for the home. It is a no if any of these two factors are missing.

 

Ajayi Joel

If a lady earns more than myself, I would not see it as an issue. Practically, I have always fantasised marrying older ladies perhaps a year or two. These ladies are usually more mature in character and have more financial stability. Earning more than me makes the love sweeter, as long as we pick the  necessary bills.

 

Ifeoluwa Adeolu

Well, individual value differs but as for me, my man must have better pay than me, else, I will be too independent. Well, I will sometimes forget to seek his consent when doing something which involves money.

 

Emmanuel Adewuyi

Yes. I would agree. The prominent thing is for the couple to understand their vision of coming together as husband and wife. As a matter of fact, getting the real definition of oneness in marriage is what it entails. What the husband has belongs to wife’ and vice versa. Then opening up to one another is another secret, the holy book said about the first marriage ever that, “they were naked and not ashamed.”

 

Akinremi Opeyemi

Yes! If two people have become one what is the big deal? Especially, if we have the mentality that my money is our money and your money is our money. Patriarchy in our society has caused this thought pattern that the man must solely provide for the family, the husband must earn higher than the wife. That why some men feel insecure when a woman is earning higher.

 

Jose O. Samuel

Well, for me I would prefer to see this from the first principles.

My answer is a strong “Yes” Why? The emphasis, to me comes from  two words “marry” and “someone” while the “earns significantly higher” is subjective. Since for me, submission is a big deal in qualifying someone to marry, it’s no brainer, since earning higher than me doesn’t equate pride automatically.

If any problem is faced in the relationship as it relates to the huge difference in the parties’ income, check the persons involved not variables like income.

 

Adewale Eniolamide

I will agree to marry a guy who earns lesser than me on one condition. He must not be comfortable earning what he earns. He must be willing to put in more efforts, get multiple streams of income and be better. The willingness to shoulder responsibilities must be there. If a man is not willing, even if he earns higher, he will still try to dodge his responsibilities; he’ll try to avoid talking about it and when the conversation comes to it, he will flare-up.

 

Adeniji Emmanuel

Of course, I would. Earnings does not affect the relationship. I make my own money, she makes hers. Besides, it gives me a rest of mind knowing  I’m marrying someone who I know is okay to take care of herself in case of setback and not a liability. Besides as long as she doesn’t brag about it or she doesn’t rub it in my face. The fact that she is earning higher doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t perform my manly duties. Backward reasoning starts from when I start feeling like she needs to contribute more because she earns more.

 

Expert speaks

Dr Dolapo Akinruli, a medical doctor is our expert on the matter.

I would rather we both work and are paid sufficiently to handle trivial things on our own without always consulting the other. I said trivial because major things should and must be discussed beforehand to avoid issues.

Now, we may not be paid the exact same amount and times can change. In all, respect still must be there. I have heard of a man that earns way lesser than his wife, but insists on being the one to put food on the table and even still gives his wife an allowance. Some men will earn higher and not even do this.

Some women also earn higher and no one will know because they decided to submit their finances to their spouses. {I do not get this kind of submission} but it’s their choice. Some of the men, in this case, appreciate it and wisely cooperate with their wives while some let it get to their heads and start misbehaving.

Some women can even be the ones financing everything at home for years and the children won’t know until when something makes her snap and she voices out. While some will start broadcasting from the second week. It all boils down to understanding your situation and personalities. If you know you won’t like to be rubbished just because you asked for pancake money {because you know the kind of guy you are with}, please find a job or business to help you take care of yourself.

If you know your boo will not mind giving you for everything including buying sanitary pads, then feel free to enjoy. As a man, if you know your ego will not take it for your wife to be the breadwinner, please work smarter and harder.

 

Next week on WhatsApp conversation, we will be exploring the question ‘What would you do if your partner asks you to leave your current job?’ Join the conversation!

 

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