THE recent weeks have witnessed a number of controversies over alleged rape incidents. Although, many of the allegations have not been substantiated, Nigerians have been expressing strong feelings about the act, with many calling for the arrest and prosecution of the perpetrators. One major party aside the victims and perpetrators are their spouses who encouraged the victims to speak out. This action earned them both knocks and kudos. The question Whatsapp Conversation is asking today is:, would you allow your spouse share her rape experience in the public?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue:
I wouldn’t, because whatever is made public will cause mixed reactions and can as well cause stigma on the victim. The best I’ll do is report the case to the appropriate authority and try as much as possible to keep the pubic and the press out because of my name and the dignity of my wife.
A rape victim can speak out whenever shelikes. People make rape victims feel scared saying their truth because of the belief that they will lose their reputation.
I won’t allow such, it must be within both of us. If the rapist is a known one, I will avoid him and give space, but if he is unknown, I will advise and pray along with my spouse. So, she can forget the stigma attached to the event.
People carry other people’s problem on their heads as if it is theirs. To avoid societal stigmatisation which can affect the person’s personality, in such situation, I, as the spouse, have a lot to do to help my spouse regain confidence in him/herself.
I won’t do that. She wasn’t raped in the public and I don’t see any reason I will give my home and the victim bad image before the public. The deed is done. I would rather see to her being rescued from such trauma.
Sharing it to the public would bring nothing but loss of dignity to me and my dear wife. I will rather sweep it under the carpet than publicity.
It’s not an ideal situation to share the experience of your raped spouse to the public. Rather, you have the alternatives of gaining popularity or stigmatization. If we keep it between us, who are the public to know?
This depends on who my spouse is. Was she flirtatious in the past? If yes, we would keep our truth to ourselves if otherwise, I will support her to the letter.
I won’t allow that except she is doing it for others to learn from her experience. However, most people revealing their rape stories is either for reference purpose, seeking justice or seeking for revenge.
Going public doesn’t solve the issue, rather it brings back the ugly incident. There is a saying that “A shared problem is half solved “ but today, “a problem shared is a topic for discussion.” I think couples (spouse) should be able to share their problems within themselves and learn to forgive themselves and move on. Going public brings stigma, even though, it is for a good course. When doing this we should bear our minds on the effect it will bring to the entire family especially when children are involved. Will they be able to bear the aftermath of the publicity? A mad man doesn’t feel any shame but the family does. So, before we make any topic public let’s consider the feelings of others around us.
Emmanuel Adeboye, a legal advocate is our expert on this issue. Going public won’t help the matters but rather I would advise you seek for better channels, like going to the police and taking the case to court. You can seek justice without necessarily going public. Going public will bring unnecessary publicity to our home and your privacy is gone. Note that this would even make the healing process difficult. If she deems it fit to go public, it is best you advise her not to, but if she still feels she needs to, don’t stop her, but support and stand by her.
However, we need to understand that going public would rather extend the healing process as against the claim of hastening the process. Most public revelations are probably to seek revenge and tarnish the name of the alleged perpetrator. Overtime, experience has shown that revenge doesn’t bring healing, but if you want justice, go to court. It is the appropriate place to get it. Seeking justice and getting revenge have different intents and motives. And you don’t heal from seeking in revenge in the public glare rather your affairs become public discourse. Speaking up is good, especially to your family members and friends who can comfort you. Lastly, my prayer is that God should grant rape victims healing and justice for perpetrators.
Next week on WhatsApp conversation: Should couples consume pornographic content?
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