RELATIONSHIPS are dynamic. Sometimes it clashes and we have to rest our priorities. This is the case we are dealing with this week on WhatsApp Conversation. A lady is torn between picking her best friend or her partner. Here are the opinions of our contributors.
When all these were going on, did she communicate with her partner? The reality is, in relationships, things like this happen. However, it is the tact that she can muster in approaching the situation that will determine how it turns out. If you are choosing to date someone, it should be because you trust that person. You can then draw from your friend’s thoughts, gather facts from your partner and you will know where to swing your bat.
Let me start with the last statement: Who do I stick to? My advice for the person in question is to stick to his/her partner. My questions go thus:
Why does she not like his/her partner? What were the things that she saw in her friend’s partner that she didn’t like? Why is she judging her friend’s partner or have they met before?
If the friend to this person in question can’t answer the above questions, then I don’t think she has any right whatsoever to condemn her friend’s partner.
Communication is key and she cannot just be perplexed with these forms of side talks here and there. Regardless of what her best friend has told her, she must be ready to communicate frankly with her partner. Even if her friend has had a bad experience with her partner in the past, it can be communicated. It is only when she has communicated with both parties that she can move forward at all.
The way to really deal with this issue is to speak with both parties. There must be a reason why the friend does not like the partner. Since both parties are important, it is necessary to find a consensus. If it is something that they can walk around, then, they should. If not, it would then be on the basis of communication, not, your friend does not like him.
This has happened to a friend of mine, she was all about the guy and I was like, let’s know this guy. When we met, we didn’t instantly vibe, what I didn’t do was to tell my friend I didn’t like her partner. I internalised it. We met again and it was much better. The friend should just try and vibe if the reason is not anything personal. A lot of times, you don’t like people when you first meet them. You can only like people you know, maybe she should concentrate on getting to know the person better instead of finding fault.
The thing about ladies is that they can sense energies, they go off with ‘he wouldn’t look like he would make a picturesque partner,’ ‘he is not big on personal hygiene’, really superficial things. In the end, that is what most feminine concerns are about, they are not usually deep. What she should do is to call the friend and ask her exactly what she saw or what she felt that made her object to the relationship. If it is something deep enough, she can then act on her hunch. Even if it is something really deep or strong for the friend but it is not deep enough for her, she can still find a compromise.
It is either there is more to the dislike or her friend doesn’t want to see her happy. No matter how much your friend dislikes your partner, it does not give you an excuse to breakup your relationship, in the event that the reason is superficial. Relationships are meant to be enjoyed while it lasts. Knowing the materialistic nature of ladies in recent times, if the dislike is centered on the financial status of the man, it is jargon. A romantic relationship is for two people, it is not for a community! Your circle of friends should not be the panel in your relationship except they have had a very sordid story with the partner. In the end, it is her relationship, not her friend’s!
People see other people’s partners, yes! Our spirit doesn’t agree with some other people and that is fine! You cannot just judge some other people because of your personal preferences. It could even be triggered by jealousy, how can you guard against those excesses? The guy could have really amazing features that the friend is angry and jealous that her friend is with someone better. Therefore, someone cannot come out of the blues to say that they don’t like this person and so, you shouldn’t be with them. Even If you feel their values are a mismatch, you are not the one to decide that it should be called off! Your opinion is personal to you, it should not be about what your friend thinks. It is your relationship. She should take charge of that and not be busy sampling opinions.
Next week, the topic of discussion will be: What is your relationship plan for the new year like. To be part of the next edition, send your response to 08136601345 on WhatsApp and elsewhere. I await your responses!
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