Which would you prioritise in selecting a partner: Emotional stability (calmness) or self sufficiency (wealth)?

IN Marriage, we are faced with alternatives to prioritise while selecting a spouse whom we will spend the rest of our life with.

These are regarded as the strengths and weaknesses that individuals look out for before giving nod to a marriage proposal. Hence, as a spinster or a bachelor faced with the alternatives of emotional stability and self sufficiency as an attribute in a spouse, which would you choose?

On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our experts said on the issue:


Stephen Ajagbe

True, emotion plays a vital role. But there must also be a means to take care and nourish the marriage too because emotions do not pay bills. It only upholds the union. Self-sufficiency actually doesn’t mean riches but the ability to sustain and pay the bills. One must have what it takes to settle down; a reliable, regular and a sustainable income.

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Fidelis David

In as much as I do not subscribe to compatibility but tolerance, so also, I don’t subscribe to emotional stability but self-sufficiency. Take it or leave it, when your partner is self-sufficient, everything else will naturally follow, emotional stability inclusive. Emotional stability is the sexiest thing you can do. If my partner isn’t self-sufficient, how do you expect me to have emotional feelings? How do you expect me to be happy?

Yahaya Habeeb Kayode

I will prioritise emotional stability over self-sufficiency because emotion is a very important variable in a relationship. A partner who can control her emotion rather than being controlled by it is a matured partner, on whom you can overcome emotional turbulence together. When the emotion is stable, it paves the way for self-sufficiency.


Abayomi Adeola Della.

A lot of times, self-sufficiency covers up for a lot of difficult occurrences and in a relationship, it no longer has to do with just a partner, it has to do with both. And so, while the other is down, the partner could help strengthen. This doesn’t usually happen with self-sufficiency. Like they say, needs could be never ending.


Kehinde Oluwabusayomi

I would prioritise emotional stability because it’s the live wire of an individual’s sanity. Things happen every day that threaten one’s sound mind and happiness but being able to control and keep one’s emotions in check is actually something that is applaudable.

My position is not in any way trying to deride self-sufficiency, but just to show that even if emotions are fickle, they are instrumental in getting a fruitful relationship.


Owi Preboye

Emotional stability plays a vital role in human existence. This is due to the fact that when choosing your partner, the ability to face and overcome challenges when any arises from the emotional state of such individual to know how to forge ahead. Emotional stability is more efficient than self-sufficiency in the sense that if per adventure something happens to the latter, they may not have the emotional strength to bear such incident thus may lead to depression.


David Titiloye

I’ll prioritise an emotionally stable partner because no one is ever truly self-sufficient as one can be self-sufficient financially but not in  other aspects of human endeavor which include emotional balance. The idea of self-sufficiency in relationships is what leads to depression as a self-sufficient person tends to believe she is good on her own and do not need help from others even when faced with challenges.


Lanre Oseni

Emotional stability will make a partner listen to self-insufficiency. However, a combination of emotional stability and self-sufficiency are a better combination for total survival at Home & for more peaceful co- existence. Life, though will always require that needs are insatiable but with emotional stability, many livelihood items/ requirements will always be achievable. Emotional stability rather than self – sufficiency is a better option to select a partner.


Expert Speaks

Kemi Akinbobola, a marriage counselor is our expert on this issue. We were taught from a young age that it’s not good to rely on others too much and being self – sufficient is admirable”. The truth is that self -sufficiency is a double-edged sword. While it has many virtues, it can rob us of true intimacy and put too much pressure on us when someone really cares to bear our burden. So, on today’s topic I will go with emotional stability. Emotional stability is the ability to sustain your emotions under stressful condition. It is considered one of the key factors to a successful marriage. Emotional stability is the most essential trait in marriage. An emotional stable spouse tends to be secure, confident and even-tempered. They are not judgmental and over reactive and generally maintain a positive demeanor. It involves an attitude of sacrifice and understanding. If your spouse is emotionally unstable, you will know from courtship stage. He or she will get agitated easily and find it difficult to control his or her anger. A spouse who cannot control his or her anger is a time time-bomb. Although everyone is prone to anger but if your spouse gets angry for any small thing now and then, certainly there is a risk of losing emotional stability. An emotionally unstable spouse will have other aspects of his or her life affected negatively. Challenges will come, emotionally stable couples can remain calm when faced with life challenges.

Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating:  Which would you prioritise in your marriage: Time, Money or Attention?

Join our WhatsApp Conversation every Sunday by 8pm or send in your comments (50 words) to the phone number, email address above or Twitter handle: @WhatsAppConvs


Nigerian Tribune