When your spouse prefers oral sex

Dear Bosede,
Good morning and thanks for your good job on this group platform. I decided to forward this message to you directly as only you and more matured minded members may understand what I am talking about.

Everyone knows that sex in Christian marriage is non-negotiable and should be consented and enjoyed by both parties. But each time we have sex in our home, my wife always insist on oral sex. She claims that is always her hotspot and that is the only mode she enjoys that put her on before penetration. To be precise, she loves Position 69 and enjoys it with passion. Until my tongue is on her clitoris and hers on my penis, sucking it hard, she is never on.

But personally, I have lately started having a sense of guilt that this is against God’s will.

Sometimes when I don’t want to give her, I will be forced to give her in order not to offend her, especially if she is the one who initiates the sex. Yes, I have not found it in the Bible where it is against God’s word, nor any sex position approved by God. I actually trained her in all the art of sex during our early years of marriage. Now we are 20 years in marriage.

I have read many Christian write ups that spoke against this art, although not biblically established. All these have continued to create a sense of guilt in me. However, my wife sees nothing bad in it as long as it is between couples. But I need to be 100% sure that what I am doing is not against the will of God.

Madam, can you please shed more light on this for clarity. You may also wish to further forward it to other matured minds to forward their views as well.

Thanks and God bless you ma.

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Dear Sola,

There has been a growing concern  in the medical circle lately concerning increase of recorded cancer of the throat, and it is being linked to the increase in the intake of sperm. Apart from this, it is also being said that certain bacteria’s in the mouth can easily cause certain infections to the vagina. So, on medical ground alone, it’s advisable to avoid oral sex.

With your situation, you will have to reprogramme your minds, especially your wife about oral sex. That she doesn’t seem to come on always without oral sex is because over the years, she has come to believe it. So a conscious effort has to be made to help her come out of that mould. It is a battle she has to fight in order to stay healthy and enjoy long life. With your understanding and support, she will pull through. This has nothing to do with a condemnation from God.

A therapy of pain being associated with a habit has been discovered to help break habits. So, if she can imagine the untold pain oral sex will inflict on her at the end of the day, it will make it easier to overcome it.

I pray that my contributions on this will provide you with the needed assistance. Thanks for the opportunity to make the contribution.

Praying for both of you to be able to pull through.  Regards to your wife.