ONE major problem that had thrown many marriages into crisis is financial management. This has put many marriages on the line because couples failed to trust themselves with their finances. They keep their bank statements and operate various bank accounts without their spouse’s knowledge. They forget that unforeseen circumstance like sickness, death even paralysis can deny them access to such account and leave them to the mercy of their financial institutions that have guiding policy against third parties who are not given authority to such accounts.
However, marriage is an institution that should be void of secrets but birthed on truth and trust. This prompted the question, what would you do when you discovered that your partner operates a private bank account?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue:
The foundation at which marriage was built needs to be questioned. Was it birth on Christ’s standards? Do they pray through to have themselves as partners? Without all this in place, such issue takes wisdom for the house not to nose dive.
Partners having accounts unknown to their spouses is no big deal to me. It’s their money and they determine how they spend it. Partners can only complement each other financially but when it comes to financial management and financial literacy, it’s totally a different thing.
Spouse’ private account – Since we do not own a joint account, she is free to own a private account. However, if the account therein has a huge balance, I’ll inquire about her sales, source (s) of the huge balance. If explanations are satisfactory to me, that ends the story. If the fat private account has suspicious sources; I’ll explain dangers therein to her. There is nothing wrong with stumbling on a spouse’s account.
Any marriage that is not based on God’s promises is bound to break with flimsy excuses. To me, marriage is a long term contract that can only be put to an end by death of either party. Gen. 2:24 established the base to which the marriage should stand. Why should I perturb my marriage status because of my spouse‘s private bank account when I am capable of funding my home without relying on my spouse’s income? The Bible says, he who does not provide for his household is worst than unbeliever. Marriage that is not source by prayer cannot stand the test of the days. No big deals in that, my brother though anything hidden is of the devil, l will only counsel my spouse to let her know the adverse effects of keeping such accounts to herself and not myself because l believe we are one indivisible in Christ.
This is a trend in marriages and has resulted in many divorce cases in marriages. Private Bank Account means that account is inaccessible to me. I will speak to her for clarifications on why she has such account, the funding, and her perception towards such act. Her reply will give way for my next action. But I would advice men to calm down on this matter, perhaps the reason might be for the benefit of both or other way round. It’s like Yoruba proverb that says “Eran to so ipa, idunnu olode ni”. Patience will solve the case not big face.
One sensible thing to do is to ask them about it. Know why they had to have a private account and why it had to be hidden from me. Weigh their response against the action they took and if it were flimsy; start talking about “your family needs” and where/how you need money. If it were otherwise, ask them to allow you know updates on the account so as to ascertain integrity of the initial purpose.
We have to note that women are spenders and men are sometimes biased by the way we spend. Once a woman knows there is money available, she begins to think of the unlimited wants and meets that have to be met. A man’s private account shouldn’t raise eyebrow. As a matter of fact, I’m in complete support of it as long as he doesn’t have any bad intentions. If I discover the account, I will look for what we have to spend it on. But if I don’t find out it is best because my husband might have good or better intentions for that account.
Jonathan Alebiosu is our expert on this issue. Matters like this in marriage are best handled with patience. We have to put aside every bias to reach a compromise and a justified end. When you discover your spouse’s private bank account, it is best you as the partner ask yourself some cogent questions before throwing caution to the air. Such as, where did we have it all wrong? What were our individual foundations? What were our mutual agreements on financial matters? What could have led to this? What are other likely areas of distrust? What are my actions, inactions or reactions that warranted my spouse to take those dangerous steps? If you can get answers to the questions, don’t jump the gun to challenge but seek the face of God Almighty, His wisdom to handle such complicated issue. Approach your Pastor for guidance and talk it over with your spouse. Two wrongs can’t make a right.
Next week on WhatsApp conversation: How would you deal with your possessive partner?
Join WhatsApp Conversation every Sunday by 8p.m or send in your comments via Whatsapp or SMS to 07031811214, Twitter @whatsappconvs and email above.