LOVE unrequited can be quite painful. Being in a relationship with someone who does not seem to return one’s gesture of care can be an excruciating. This week on WhatsApp Conversation, we want to help Leah fix her relationship that has spanned a year and seven months.
She wrote: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and seven months, and I care for him deeply, but I don’t know how to show affection very well. I want him to know I love him very much but I am unsure how. What do I need to do to show I care?
Here are the comments from our contributors:
Leah seems to be trying her best here. After a year and counting in the relationship, she should have established her boyfriend’s love language by now. The next step is to speak that language with fluency. In all these, it must also be said that the man in the relationship must equally be looking out for her. If this is not the case, it might be time to go their separate ways.
Showing affection starts from putting consideration in the little things no one, even the guy ever notices or considers important; and also most importantly, I’m sure you love yourself, and there are certain things you’d do for yourself just because you love yourself. So do these things for and to him too. Lastly, find out what he enjoys doing and what he likes and do with and for him and these, my dear, is showing affection.
I don’t think she needs to show him anything. One year and seven months is enough to understand someone. He already knows you love him, and if he requires a grand gesture just kiss him in public and if that is not enough, he might need to have his ass beaten in public. You do not have to show how much you love someone sometimes; you just have to let them know that you love them.
Controversially, when you like a flower; you pull it from the ground to keep. When you love it; you water it to grow. Leah should let like and love meet in the relationship; she should get married to him and continue to ‘water’ the marriage. The perfect relationship, I do say, is an oxymoron.
The energy she must have used to show affection at the initial stage of the relationship, she should rechannel it into the relationship again. It must have all been there before. She just got sidetracked.
The real thing here is not showing affection. You stay in a relationship of 19 months; you begin to lose the vibe. I am definitely sure that is what she’s worried about. She should find a new and exciting way to reprogramme what was lost, give it a tweak or something. She must look within herself for what is lost.
Leah is probably the only one in this relationship. Suppose she is this proactive about the relationship. In that case, it shows that she has been carrying the relationship by her sheer determination for so long. Leah needs to prioritise herself and if that means walking away from this, yes. You cannot love the person who does not want to be loved!
Leah is asking the wrong question. If I can guess, her boyfriend is not asking this question; he probably does not even give a hoot about how she feels in the relationship. This is why a lot of relationships fail; only one person is concerned about how the relationship will sail through.
If Leah wants to show her boyfriend love, she needs to first sit him down and be sure that they are on the same page within the relationship. Once she has ascertained that we can come back to this conversation.
I believe many of us at one point have been in these shoes of showing affection outside material things.
If you don’t know how to show affection very well, learn to communicate them in different ways. Alternatively, Leah can break from her shell.
If you’re a people-conscious person in regards to the display of love and affection, then go wild.
Do things differently from before but don’t overdo things.
Another way to show him love is to do what makes him happy. If he needs his space or time out with his guys, let him. Don’t be this overly protective girlfriend style. Use your love language. Say “I love you” or “I miss you” when it is genuine no matter how many times you do. Sing songs, write him notes, go out, fight and settle immediately, appreciate him, text, call.
Just be you when you love, if he sees that, he’s good to go. Guys know when a girl loves them whether or not you show it.
Next week, we will have an article on love, valentine and spicing your relationship.
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