Turning setbacks into stepping stones

When Tunde was laid off from his job at a thriving tech company in Lagos, it felt like his world had crumbled. The financial pressures coupled with the societal expectations to “always succeed” weighed heavily on him. He started feeling anxious, doubting his self-worth, and isolating himself from friends and family. Tunde’s story isn’t new! Many Nigerians face similar struggles when life doesn’t go as planned. But what if Tunde’s experience wasn’t just a setback, but a crucial part of his journey to something greater? Indeed, he eventually secured an even better job and flourished after two years of tough hardship.

Failure can be a tough pill to swallow, especially in a society that often equates success with one’s value. But what if we could understand that failure, far from being a setback, is a crucial ingredient for success? The lives of many renowned individuals, including the likes of J.K. Rowling, serve as powerful reminders that failure is not just inevitable but valuable. Rowling’s rise to fame with the Harry Potter series was preceded by a string of personal and professional failures, including a difficult marriage and financial hardship. Yet, she acknowledges that these failures were the very experiences that taught her resilience and discipline, paving the way for her success.

In education, too, failure plays a pivotal role. A study from Teachers College at Columbia University found that students who learned about the struggles of scientists performed better in math and science. This finding underscores the importance of normalising failure, helping students see challenges as part of the learning process rather than as a reflection of their intelligence. However, in many academic and professional settings, failure is still stigmatised.

Breaking down the taboos around failure is crucial for mental health. A growing movement encourages individuals to share their “CVs of failures” online, recognising that open discussions about setbacks are essential for personal and professional development. Many historical figures such as Albert Einstein and Oprah Winfrey faced significant failures before achieving monumental success. Their stories remind us that failure is not the end. It can be a powerful tool for mental growth and resilience.

1. Embrace failure as a learning opportunity

In our quest for success, it’s easy to forget that failure is often the best teacher. Just like the process of refining gold, our experiences, both good and bad, shape us into better versions of ourselves. The key is to view failure as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block. Ask yourself: What did I learn from this experience? How can I apply these lessons to future challenges?

2. Don’t isolate yourself

One of the biggest mistakes people make when facing failure is retreating into themselves. Tunde, for instance, felt ashamed and cut off communication with those who could have supported him. But staying connected with friends, family, or even a support group is crucial. Sharing your experiences and emotions with others can provide new perspectives and much-needed encouragement. You’re not alone. Others have been where you are and can help you through it.

3. Practice self-compassion

In Nigerian culture, there’s often a strong emphasis on being tough and resilient…to hustle. While resilience is important, it’s equally vital to be kind to yourself during tough times. Instead of harshly criticising yourself for not meeting certain expectations, try to speak to yourself as you would to a friend in the same situation. Acknowledge your efforts, recognise that it’s okay to struggle, and give yourself permission to rest and heal.

4. Set realistic goals

After a failure, it’s tempting to set high goals to prove to yourself and others that you can succeed. However, it’s more beneficial to set small, achievable goals that can gradually build your confidence back up. Celebrate each small victory as it comes, and over time, you’ll find that these small steps have led to significant progress.

5. Seek professional help if needed

If the weight of setbacks and failure becomes too heavy to bear, it may be time to seek professional help. A mental health professional can provide helpful strategies. In Nigeria, where mental health issues are often stigmatised, seeking help is a brave and important step towards recovery and you can reach out to the Asido Foundation’s helpline at +2349028080416 for psychological first aid.

In the end, failure is not a reflection of our worth but a natural part of our journey. Just like Tunde eventually found a new job, your current setbacks can pave the way for future success. It is about shifting your mindset from seeing failure as the end of the road to seeing it as a detour—a chance to discover new paths and opportunities. Embrace failure, learn from it, and allow it to strengthen you. In the journey of life, it’s not about how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up and keep moving forward.

Read Also: NNPC reports N9.3trn petrol imports amid fuel scarcity