In 1980, a prominent Baptist cleric and social anthropologist presided over a dedication service of a new church in Oyo, Oyo State.
One of the most fascinating features was that the priest critically observed the unfortunate problems in the world, and particularly Nigeria and, thus, he classified the human kind into three basic races, white, black and Nigerian.
He itemised the problems, difficulties and obstacles besetting each race and how solution should be found to them.
Thus, the cleric, after narrating the social, cultural, economic and political ordeals of both the white and the black races and all the strategies put in place for solution, they all were to no avail.
Readers may want to know the nature and traits of those races, white and black. They both were patriotic peace, loving, industrious, highly-gifted, united, responsible and accountable. They both postured as leaders and not bosses. Their proclamations were bound.
In the case of the Nigerian race composed of over 500 ethnic nationalities and fused together as a monstrous Trojan Horse by the British Greek Schemers, they are led by leaders whose conduct and character left much to be desired. They lived and flourished in ‘we couldn’t careless’ attitude, corruption, immorality, embezzlement, lack of patriotism and public moralities. These were the viable and enduring virtues among the leadership.
The populace, because of the mess of pottage often received during electioneering, is induced and this encouraged it to forget that it is, indeed, the bona fide ultimate sovereign, the makers and builders of the government – executive, legislative and judiciary – known as the legal sovereign.
Nonetheless, when both the white and black races had done all humanly possible to no avail, the leaders of each race summoned the conference of their sages to resolve their cultural, economic and political challenges.
Thus, in the meeting, one of their preeminent sages suggested that since their leaders had tried to the admiration of their populace, it was, therefore, pertinent to send a delegation to God for divine interventions to resolve their chronic challenges.
The first race to go to God was the white. When they reach the heavenly home of God, the heavenly hosts received and welcome them enthusiastically. There was little protocol to observe before they were asked to go and see the Holy One of Israel. They were taken to a magnificent hall: The palace where God was seated on His immortal throne.
The leader of the white race, Hermes, stood in awe and bowed before the Holy One of Israel.
God was very happy and delighted to meet them, because He knew that the white race was His true and responsible incarnate who had lived and flourished beyond expectations, despite their human nature.
The leader laid before God their problems and difficulties and the measures taken to resolve them all to no avail.
God quickly responded: “My beloved white race,” there was a crucifix in his heart before it was set on Calvary, “I will give you 100 years to resolve your challenges in all its ramifications.”
At the end of the meeting, the white race delegation left the heavenly home and returned home jubilantly.
When the white race returned to their earthly continent, they were welcome enthusiastically. Guard of honor was mounted by the Armed Forces. A very massive and beautiful reception was accorded their leaders for a job well done.
The black race, as if they had got a hint of what their counterparts, the white, and their leaders had done, called an emergency conference of their wise men to find lasting solutions, spiritual and material, to their intractable challenges.
At the meeting, the delegates wasted no time to advise their leaders. They all fully realised that their leaders were human beings, not human-types. And they had been seen to have done their best in the governance of their continent.
Thus, Agrey, a preeminent sage and a lady of the same nature, Juliet, proffered the same solution; that is, a delegation should quickly be arranged to see God to table their social, economic and political challenges for divine intervention.
When the delegates reached heaven, it was welcome by the heavenly hosts. The heavenly hosts wasted no time to arrange their meeting with God. When they met God in the same venue as the white race, God was very delighted to welcome them, because He was aware of their honest efforts. He knew the delegates deserved His utmost attention, for they had all acted as God-incarnates.
After tabling their requests, God said: “You Black race delegation, I give you only 200 years for solution to your challenges in all its ramifications.”
The black race returned to its earthly state and was delightedly welcome by their people after giving report of their mission to God.
In the case of the Nigerian race, their leaders had sworn, on the altar of mammon, eternal hostility to any measures – mundane or spiritual – which will settle their race for peace, stability, patriotism, public morality, growth, development and progress.
Their most cherished preoccupation at every gallop is the devaluation of their currency. Even in the 30-month civil war, Nigeria did not devalue her currency. It is the simplest assurance for money for the gamblers with too little or nothing to show for the leadership and sovereignty of Nigeria.
Thus, the masses suffer and mourn, because they lack self-knowledge. They resigned to fate and servility, waiting for God, heavenly hosts and their ancestors to rise and bail them out.
Nonetheless, a member of the populace who travelled abroad observed what the white and black races had done. He hinted one of the leaders, Chief Akinlole, who quickly informed his counterpart, Umaru Cargo.
They both agreed to call a meeting of their party – the scourge of the race. At that meeting, it was decided that a delegation should be sent to God to put an end to their self-induced problems and obstacles.
Hence, Akinlole and Umaru Cargo were elected to lead the delegates. It was decided also that a magnificent and expensive aircraft should be handy to convey the delegates to heaven to see God.
When they got to heaven, the protocol officers of the heavenly hosts were alarmed and embarrassed because they had never seen such an airplane in their life. Therefore, they enquired from them the purpose of their mission to God.
The delegates were, all the same, taken to God as in the case of the two former races.
Chief Akinlole put the Nigerian race’s challenges before God. But he observed that God laid His head on the table. By the time He intended to speak, His eyes were full of tears. God was weeping profusely.
Then, He responded: “You the Nigerian race have no problems and challenges whatsoever because you are, by your mortal nature, are problems obstacles and difficulties unto yourselves. Your continent and race will experience most admirable and enduring change when I am translated into glory.”
Thus, the Nigerian race’s delegation left the heavenly home in joy and enthusiasm, as if all is well that ends badly.
However, with the social, cultural, economic and political challenges gone for good, and with peace, plenty to eat, leaders posing as God-incarnates and the world, the Nigerian race and other races posing the pertinent question as Baba Obafemi Awolowo once remarked: Why is God so generous to everybody among the Nigerian race?”
Thus, the peoples asked: Has God died?
In conclusion, if this article is strikingly and disturbingly a musing, it is because it is a joke of Desiderus Erasinus.
Honourable Odekanyin writes from Oyo.
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