HUMAN beings are carried by two legs. That is, any normal and complete person walks on two legs. If you see anything contràry to this, that person is said to be handicapped. Such cannot function optimally. Furthermore, most of the sense organs are two in number: eyes, ears, hands, even nose also has two holes in it. Absence of one out of the two of any of the sense organs means that such a person with a missing one, is placed at a disadvantage. Such cannot function effectively.
Adapting this to the marriage institution, a functional and healthy marriage is one that walks on two legs, sees with two eyes, hears with two ears, and has its life support machine, as the nose. A marriage will be at a disadvantage in its operation and fulfilment of purpose, if it is lacking one leg, eye, ear or hand. Therefore if you see any marriage that is fumbling and wobbling in nature, it is handicapped by the absence of any of the two organs listed above. What then are the two essential organs of a functional and healthy marriage. These are respect and love. A successful marriage functions with legs, hands, eyes, ears and nose of respect and love. But, for today, I will restrict myself to the legs analogy, for the purpose of the point I am making.
Two legs of marriage are respect and love. They enable a marriage to stand fit and strong. Without any of the two, a marriage is deformed, and unable to function optimally. That is why you have marriages that are termed as a “necessary evil.” Such marriages barely succeed; going through motions of fumbling and wobbling. Today, it is honeymoon, tomorrow it is pepper drink. One time, it is hossanah song, the next time, it is a shout to crucify. If only married couples would run on the two legs of marriage, the phrase,”and they live happily ever after,” will be the rule, rather than the exception in marriage.
Power of respect and love in marriage.
A normal marriage is one consummated by two persons. Not only is this a fact, it is also one between two persons of the opposite sex: male and female. That is why we can talk of two legs, with each on different sides: left and right. This can also be compared to the supply of electricity, which has two opposite charges of negative and positive. If you use two positives or two negatives, you will not have any electricity supply. If you are looking for why there are so many breakdowns in marriage, then don’t look too far, ( What you are looking for going to Sokoto town, is in the sokoto-inner pocket of a male Yoruba tribe dress), the culprit is lack of any of the two legs of marriage: respect and love.
The husband walks on respect, while the wife walks on love. A wife who understands the power of the leg of respect, and a husband with full knowledge of the power of the leg of love, will make a success of the marriage. What this translates to is that both of them will do everything to make one another walk straight by supplying respect and love in the marriage. Not only that, each of them will also not wait on the other before he or she supplies what the other needs. Each one keeps supplying respect and love, that is within his or her capacity, not waiting for the other. This is what makes a marriage to work: giving each other what he or she needs to function optimally in the marriage.
The greatest obstacle to meeting these two needs in marriage is for the wife to want to wait for her husband to love her before she accords him respect and vice versa. Like a man said to me one day, “ how can I love a wife who disrespects me, her husband? Pastor, I am sure, even your husband will not love you if you don’t respect him.” The truth of the matter is that husbands and wives don’t have to wait for themselves in the matter of respect and love. Both of you are under obligation to respect and love each other. It is by so doing that we will be able to enjoy the best of one another. These two legs of respect and love are the power of the success of the marriage institution. On these two legs stands the marriage institution, for it to succeed.
The power of these two legs of respect for the husband, and love for the wife lies in the fact that they motivate husbands and wives to be in optimal performance mode all the time. They are propelled to give their best to each other, come what may: rain or sunshine; winter or summer; autumn or spring. So, husbands and wives must learn the rudiments of deploying the two legs of respect and love for them to enjoy a great marriage. We will focus on this some other time on this platform. When a husband and wife are diligent in deploying the two legs of respect and love, they will not have a stressful marital relationship, but will enjoy a heaven on earth marriage. I believe we all know that stress in marriage is not akara Osu (Osu Town bean cake), it cannot be served with garri meal(cassava grains). Respect and Love is the therapy needed for a stressful marriage.
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