I want to see people enjoy marriage. I am an unrepentant believer in the marriage institution as a stabilising organ for the society. I am also a happy one today, being fully aware and persuaded that after all, the marriage institution is not failing. I recently discovered that for every divorce or separated marriage, several others are succeeding, weathering the storms. Though, in this side of the world, statistics are in dearth, so one cannot accurately state the rate of divorce in marriage. Yet, with the indices staring us in the face, daily, one can safely conclude that marriage after all is not failing. These indices include the celebration of wedding anniversaries, the unending marriage ceremonies being conducted, and marriages enduring for long years.
If marriage is failing and unattractive again, why do we have more people staying married, going into marriage and celebrating their long years of being married? The truth is that marriage institution is still a winner anytime, any day. However, efforts must be made to keep marriage ever successful, with little or no stress for the married. S.T.O.P is one of such efforts.
I got this S.T.O.P key from the Forever and ever show of Jumoke Adewumi and I got excited and fascinated about it. I equally believe it is a key to a successful marriage. So, I decided to repackage it for this column. With S.T.O.P KEY, I believe that we will stop marital stress, or keep it at bay. It is a key that is meant to stop the following viruses from eating up the marital nutrients. These viruses are scoring points, thinking the worst, opting out, and pulling down.
S is scoring points. This has to do with taking revenge. That is, tit for tat. Your spouse cheated on you and you go all out to cheat on him with the worst possible person .i.e. her best friend or sister, etc. It is paying back your spouse in his coin in the most painful way. You want to hit him hard, and hard below the belt. This is not good for a healthy marriage. Couples in marriage must never travel this road. Let us stop scoring points with ourselves. It does no one any good.
T is thinking the worst about your spouse. He comes home late, and your head is full 1001 possible evils he must have gone out to commit. If she says there is an official function to attend during the weekend, your negative mindset claims she is out on a date with another man. You bring your negative approach to issues in your marriage, and this is giving both of you a lot of stress in the relationship. Your case becomes like that of a hen that lands on a rope, both the rope and the hen become restless. So, there is the need to stop thinking the worst about your spouse.
I remember a situation of a wife who started stooling after eating the food prepared and served by her husband. The first thought was why the husband did not serve them together as it was their habit to eat together, though she was sleeping when the food was ready. She thought:” I hope he did not try to poison me?” If you are a person always with negative approach to issues of life: why a business proposal will fail; why a middle of the night call must be a bad news, or any call from your mother in-law is a trouble shooting one. You are vulnerable to thinking the worst about your spouse.
O is opting out. You are on the mode of, “if it becomes necessary, I will just quit the marriage. You are not a part of “marriage is forever” stuff. This starts by breaking communication bit by bit. You keep malice, relocate to sitting room, guest room, or the floor in the same room due to misunderstanding. Joint outing is an exception rather than the expected. This is what the S.T.O.P. key seeks to end. Marriage does not thrive where opting out is a consideration at the slightest opportunity. A successful marriage is one that is focused on forever and ever. If in doubt, a visit to the Forever and Ever site of Jumoke Adewumi will be an eye opener.
P is pulling down. The unhealthy competition of some married couples is nothing but a pulling down. You will wonder if they are politicians competing for the same office. When husband and wife are at loggerheads over the children, financial leadership and the like, such a marriage is far from being blissful. You tell a wife “what an amazing personality you have as a husband,” and she responds,” Ha! That one? He is a little better than the devil.”One man went to his wife’s church and told the pastor,” I understand that my wife is a deacon here, if she is, then I am pope.” Wives, presenting your husband’s as irresponsible to the children is nothing but pulling down. This is not good for the health of both the marriage and the family. You are to pull down strongholds, and not your spouse.
Conclusively, when you work against the usage of S.T.O.P in your marriage, you will enjoy a blissful relationship that will be stress free. So, let us stop S.T.O.P from destroying our marriages. Then and only then will we be able to live happily ever hereafter together.
- Forever and Ever can be linked on Facebook via https://www.facebook.com/foreverandevershow
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