Overcoming marital issues

The question has been asked why couples are referred to as groom and bride on the day of their wedding day. Statements of regret such as “Had I known, I wouldn’t have entered into this marriage,” have become a common expressions in our world today. Sadly, they are mostly heard from young couples who have barely celebrated a decade in marriage.

Many men have broken up with their wives because they ended up not being the wife they dreamt of getting married to. But they have forgotten that on their wedding day, that was when the man was commissioned for his new task, that task of reshaping her to become that wife that he had always wished to have.

Nobody calls the woman ‘wife’ on her wedding day, because it is the man that will groom his bride to become the wife. That is why the man is called the bridegroom or groom. As the name implies, grooming has to do with patiently nurturing, teaching, tending and helping someone to become what he or she should be. It is, therefore, believed that a man that takes a woman to the altar  is mature enough to patiently groom his bride to become the wife. The man is not supposed to just expect the bride to automatically become the wife; she must be groomed.

It is clear that many of our men have unnecessary expectations when they are getting married. They want some magic to happen to their wives, they want them to become what they have had in mind about who they want their wives to be, not considering the fact that a woman does not know what is on a man’s mind unless he teaches her. Our expectations are often too unrealistic, because we don’t remember that change takes time and we can only expect something from someone that knows what we want.

So, before you think of backing off, have you taken your time to groom her? Have you given her time to understand you? Hope you realise that a turtle can never become a hawk? God often brings people that are opposites of each other together in marriage, so that they can help each other in their weaknesses. If your wife is weak where you are weak, then where will you get the strength that is needed? The problem with many of us is that we don’t accept people before attempting to change them.

Of course, our wives are not from our backgrounds, so it will take time for them to adjust. Stop trying to change her: accept her, love her, teach her and be patient with her. That is what grooming is all about. She is going to be your wife but she is your bride now, so groom her. Stop complaining about her; she may be a turtle and you a hawk. She cannot fly, so be patient with her.

Gloria Oloche

Moshood Abiola Polytechnic, Ogun State.