I wrote on the need to avoid things that spoil the fun in marriage few months ago, and I reposted it last week. I have been challenged to write about other spoilers in marriage, and today, I am sharing on another spoiler, which is financial lack. This must be avoided like a plague in marriage, if that marriage will not suffer a wreckage, and the resultant family put in jeopardy.
What is financial lack?
Let me start this definition by looking at what it is not. Financial lack has nothing to do with not having
- Millions in the marriage.
- Chains of businesses in the family
- Properties scattered all over the world
- being stupendously wealthy
Simply put, financial lack is constant inability to meet the needs of the family. That is, irregular flow of income for meeting needs in the family, on a regular basis. What this means is that a couple lacks capacity to regularly pay the bills in the family. When a marriage or a family is this state of financial lack, the marriage becomes an endangered species that may expire with time. This is why it must be avoided, or quickly overcome by every couple. In a write up, my husband refers to financial lack in this category as a terminal disease, and I cannot agree less with him. It’s indeed a slow poison, or a killer disease.
Why must financial lack be avoided?
- It leads to other social vices such as infidelity, divorce, delinquent children.
When there is no regular provision for the needs of a family, wives may end up being unfaithful, or in a decent scenario, opt out of the marriage. Thomas Hardy wrote in the book, Thess of the Durberfield, “a woman should never be tempted beyond what she can bear, as constant droppings will wear even a stone”. Financial lack makes the wives vulnerable. Not only are those, children in such families prone to delinquent behaviours, ending up in criminal acts and prostitution, among others. All these will definitely not augur well for the good of the marriage, and by extension, the family.
What should be the solutions to financial lack?
Couples must avoid it at all cost, because it could snowball into an irredeemable situation. Couples must therefore ensure that
- There is a regular source of income at the inception of the marriage. One of the conditions of getting married is being gainfully employed. Don’t get married if you don’t have a job, most especially, the man. You are expected to provide for your wife and the children and other dependants in the marriage. Some marriages are in financial lack today as a result of lack of wisdom in contracting marriages without having sources of income by the husbands. In my place, it is a saying that, getting married is not difficult, but being able to provide for the family is the core concern. Some couples focus on wedding ceremony, rather than the marriage.
- A couple must not allow financial lack to linger on for such a long time. I know that there are situations in which the unexpected happens, and the family is thrown into a state of financial lack. When it happens, couples must think outside the box for solutions to overcome such a setback, as quickly as possible. Let the husband be ready to take on job or engage in businesses which otherwise may look like “below standard”, if his family will eventually not live below the required financial standards of living, i.e. daily three square meals and other basic needs like accommodation, After all, it’s a saying that there is dignity in labour. The husband should not become selective or choosy, in such a time.
- The wife should also be ready to give necessary support to the husband by temporarily providing financial support, if able (has a job or business), and be ready to get a job or start a business. She should also challenge the husband to get out of the financial lack as quickly as possible, and not rest on the oasis of the wife’s financial provisions. These days, many wives are playing more than necessary financial roles, or even be the breadwinner in the marriage. This is not good for the health of the family, since he who pays the piper dictates the tunes. That’s why some wives have become uncontrollable to the husbands.
Conclusively, financial lack is a spoiler that must be avoided in the marriage, if the marriage will endure to the end.
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