How leaders develop empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s perspective, even when that perspective is quite different from your own. In just the last half-decade, we’ve seen a rise in organizations who adopt this word into their business language. More than just a buzz word, empathy may be key to helping businesses grow — allowing leaders to relate to people and ideas around them.

How might leaders work on developing empathy either on their own or with the support of their company? Are companies currently supporting leaders enough in this process?

1. Attend to basic needs first

Empathy in the hierarchy of human experiences is a higher order emotion. In order to develop empathy, you must have your survival needs met first. People are inherently driven toward needing to know they are okay and that they fit in. A company environment, where they know they are okay and fit in, allows them to work on listening. Listening to others is the key to developing empathy.

2. Clarifying questions and statements are key

Leaders can develop empathy by making it a habit to consciously focus on exactly what the people they’re engaging with might be thinking and feeling in any given situation. Clarifying questions and statements are key to making others feel heard. Some companies are doing a great job helping their leaders become more emotionally intelligent. However, most aren’t and are missing a huge opportunity.

3. Practice emotional intelligence; show vulnerability

Showing vulnerability develops empathy for people, and companies are no different. Companies need to own up to their challenges and problems in a way that demonstrates that they are really trying. Not only does this build empathy, but if plans are not successful, customers are more prepared to accept failure.

4. Learn continually

We need to be open to learning at all levels in an organization. Companies can do a better job supporting their leaders in developing empathy by creating a learning culture that breaks down stigmas that leaders must know everything. There’s a great quality and humility in a leader who is willing to accept that there’s room to grow.

5. Recognize perspectives

One of the key things I like to discuss in situations like this is the notion of perspectives. Sometimes leaders get so caught up in believing their perspective is reality that they forget the circumstances people find themselves in. Becoming more aware and recognizing perspectives is key. Once leaders can do that, it can make it easier for them to develop empathy for others.

6. Unplug and be present

Focusing on others and demonstrating empathy is very challenging for many leaders. It becomes even more challenging with someone who is tethered to technology or multitasking. When meeting with teammates, putting down your phone and giving them your undivided attention will help you understand and connect with them in a more powerful way. Also, apply the 80/20 rule of listening and talking.

7. Walkabout and listen

Cultivate the habit of getting out of the office and off of email. Talk to people at the front lines and in middle management, and spend more time listening rather than talking. Ask open-ended questions: “What’s working and what’s not?” or “What is one thing that would make your work more effective or enjoyable?” Then listen in order to understand, rather than listening to craft a reply.

8. Try teambuilding

Teambuilding activities where role-playing is involved often help leaders to understand and then empathize with their staff. When leaders walk in their staff’s shoes, they often develop empathy.

9. Grow empathy through self-awareness

Leaders can think of the people in their lives whom they feel empathy toward and can then “borrow” it to create stronger relationships at work. Companies can create cultures that encourage empathy by moving from rewarding transactional relationships to encouraging collaborative conversations and adding external coaches who can objectively support the process, without being personally involved.

10. Start with you

Start with yourself. When asked this question, I often ask about how much you are receiving yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have. What would it take for you to feel empathy for yourself, or legitimately expect it from others? What can you do to get more? You don’t have to use the word “empathy” when standing up for yourself. You could be advocating to be treated with dignity or respect.

11. Ask, reflect and communicate

Empathy isn’t about taking on the emotions and perspectives of others but more about understanding and considering them. Develop empathy in leaders by exposing them to all areas of the business, team and customer experience. Help them understand the personal and business challenges, and practice reflecting that understanding in town hall, group and one-on-one meetings. Also, show empathy for your leaders.