How to lead with influence and not control

Let me be honest. I can be a controlling person. It’s part of my character. I know that. If no one is taking charge, I’ll take over the room. (And, not because I’m extroverted. I’m not.) If we both come to a four-way stop at the same time—as nice as I try to be and as much as I love others—I won’t stall long for you to decide if you’re going. It’s just how I’m wired. If the leader isn’t in the room, I’ll lead.

I think my team, however—or at least I hope—would tell you I don’t perform as a controlling leader. Some may even wish I controlled more. It’s been a long process to discipline myself not to respond how I am naturally inclined to do.

Leaders, if you want to to have a healthy team environment, you must learn to control less and influence more. The differences are measured in the results of creating a healthy team.

I have learned though that successful leaders understand the difference in leading with influence and leading with control.

Here’s what I mean by the results of controlling versus influence:

In an organization where control is dominant:

• The leader’s ideas win over the team’s ideas—every time.
• The team follows, but only out of necessity (for a paycheck)—not willingly.
• Change happens through fear and intimidation—not motivation.
• People are managed closely—rather than led.
• Team members feel unappreciated and often under-utilized—rather than empowered.
• The organization is limited to the skills and ability of the controlling leader—not the strength of a team.
• Passion is weak—burnout is common.

But, In an organization where influence is dominant:

• The ultimate goal is what’s best for the organization, not an individual.
• Team spirit develops as relationships and trust grow.
• Willing followers, and other leaders, are attracted to the team.
• Leadership recruitment and development is a continued endeavor.
• Change is promoted through desire and motivation, not obligation.
• The organization has the expanded resources of a team of unique individuals.
• People feel empowered and appreciated.

Leaders, take your pick—control or influence. You can’t have it both ways. One will always be more dominant. Granted, I could write a lot on the messiness of leading by influence. There will often be confusion, lack of clarity and misunderstandings. It comes when all the rules aren’t clearly defined. This, however, is a tension to be managed not a problem to be solved.

When it comes to creating organizational health—influence will always trump control. Every time.