Continued from Last week…
MARRIAGE comes with different restrictions which differ from those of when one is single. One of such is a relationship with the opposite sex after saying ‘I do’. However, to some people, marriage should not stop one from relating with their old friends, especially those that they share memories with.
However, this has cost couple their marriage due to infidelity with the said friends (especially opposite sex). Hence after marriage, friendship with people of opposite sex after marriage advisable?
On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue:
With respect to your question, friendship with the opposite sex after marriage is not bad. Before the marriage, both parties have friends and they can’t start building walls to fence them out. Even at that, they should try to define the kind of friendship they maintain. No intimate relationship to prevent suspicion or mistrust.
You know friendship between the opposite sexes is always risky especially if one of the parties has hidden agenda. People might become friends with you just because they want to take advantage of you. If the friendship is genuine, then there’s no problem.
It’s of no benefit. It will only end up sending the wrong message to your partner or tempt you into unfaithfulness. If you ever need to keep in touch with an old friend, make it a family friend and make sure their partner and yours are always present if there will be any unofficial meeting between you.
Friendship with either mates or opposite sex after marriage is like building a marital home on a gun powder.By the time it explodes, such an affair may never regain balance. Wrong advice from external body(mates or opposite sex) can sooner or later affect such marriage negatively.
I will say this depends on the type of relationship I had with the friend before marriage. If this opposite sex is like a very good friend who I am comfortable with and we really do understand each other, definitely he will get to meet my husband and familiarise with him even before I get married and eventually after marriage. Nothing stops us from still maintaining our friendship in as much as we are not engaging in any illicit affair that could raise eyebrows.
Then there’s no harm in it. But if the opposite sex is just a casual friend without any serious ties, then I will rather keep it as that and make it a “when we see, we greet” kind of friendship so it would not affect my marriage in anyway.
Continuing friendship with a sexual partner after marriage is not encouraged? Provided it would be strictly based on platonism the frienship could go on because materially, both could benefit and their lives could get better where either of the partners has been uplifted by God.
If the intention of either of the two was to continue the erotic act; the subject under discussion should not only be discouraged but be terminated. None of the two would be happy if either of their spouse was caught in the illicit act of continued co- habitation.
Ayoola Oluwaseun is our expert on this issue. The truth is you have these friends both male and female before marriage. But after marriage so many things will change which will affect your friendship and in turn affect your marriage. It can be positively or negatively depending on the choice made and on the boundaries set. After marriage, every married person is expected to set boundaries to friendship with opposite sex. What do I mean, boundaries on frequency of calling, or seeing each other, time of calling and seeing each other, use of words (if such had been free with words before) , accord respect, redefine and emphasise the status all over and over again. Don’t take sides with your friend, if she or he complains about the spouse, instead advice, and seek a way of resolution for them and not be a safe haven he or she runs to always.
Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating:
‘Love is a one sided concept in our present world. You know who you love not who loves you’ , how true is this statement in relationship and marriages?
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