How to cope with unforgiving spouse/partner?

THEY say to “err is human and to forgive is divine”. They also say forgiveness is the final form of love. This reality is antithetical to some people  in relationship. So, these people might exhibit the five love languages but  they find it difficult to forgive when offended.  Some might even claim they have forgiven you  yet find it difficult to forget this, altering the complete process of forgiveness. Thus, how do you cope with an unforgiving partner?

On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue:

 

Orei

Just move on. An unforgiving partner is a killer. There are some things prayer won’t change. When a relationship or partner is toxic, you move on. That’s why there is a word in the dictionary called ’option.’ Love isn’t enough in a relationship. You love him but he hurts you; quit. Relationship is something that has to be mutual When there’s no mutuality in a relationship, be it friendship, dating, courtship or marriage, there’s a big problem. Relationships are meant to be enjoyed, not endured

 

Tayo Sosintay

Try not to hurt him/her badly. Whenever you realise that your partner has the trait of not forgiving people, try not to offend him/her .

 

Joeh

Pray for him or her. Everything is not about calling it quit.

Favour Ademilegun

I don’t think having an unforgiving partner is a good thing because people like that keep  a lot of grudges in their hearts and don’t let go easily which is bad. They make you remember every of your mistakes by bringing it up when there is, quarrel . So I don’t think an unforgiving partner is best for any relationship.

 

Oladunni Laleson

To be candid, I have not encountered such a partner but an unforgiving partner is not easy to be with. However, such partner must deal with an unforgiving partner with love, humility, sincerity as well as transparency to obviate such ill-thought out of him or her! At times, forgetting unforgiving  an act heals the mind, soul and heart! It enhances life. Living with an  unforgiving partner is not easy!

 

Nero Alabake

Personally its all about avoiding those things that get on him or her. You need to study your partner ,know his or her limits, dos’ and don’ts’. Try and be calm so as to calm him or her down too. When he or she still never forgets, then look for a way to put an end to that relationship if you aren’t married yet. If you are married, you will seek divine intervention(via prayers). You can relate your problem to man of God and at the same employ the services of a relationship/marriage counselor. If there is no change,then play the  fool ,compromise to save your relationship.

 

Micheal Joseph

Its not easy to have unforgiving person as a partner. My step-mother is a victim, each time we offended her and apologise, believe me she will still be nursing the issues for like more than two months (to cut it short). But for us we’ve known it to be her character. So anytime issues arise, we leave her for that period even we won’t call, text or visit  her for those periods. To cope with unforgiving person requires God’s wisdom.

 

Emmanuel Adeboye

Don’t marry such a person in the first place . Some people like dangerous risks. “ he will change “ “ she will change “  That is a risk.

 

 Expert Speaks

Jaq Deweyi is a Twitter enthusiast and a writer. She proffered solutions to how to cope with unforgiving spouse. She noted that the following six pillars would help.

Prayer: They both need to understand that the current standoff will only keep them apart, slowly destroy their love and their individual self-esteem. The first and most important step would be to pray for wisdom on how to handle the situation and also repent. Be nice and polite. If you want someone’s forgiveness and you truly acknowledge your mistake, be nice. There’s no need to shout or insult your partner. Two wrongs don’t make it right. If she still wants this relationship to work, she needs to break the wall of mistrust formed first. Forgiveness like trust can’t be demanded but can be earned.

Make a genuine apology. Of course the first thing anyone caught in the act will do is apologise and we know Liz has already done that. But the quality of your apology matters too. So take time to reflect on the situation and think about your actions. When you are ready to talk again, initiate talks and say sorry again without conditions or blame gaming.

Change your ways. Humility is key for a relationship to survive. Terms and conditions apply” right?! In this case, there’s no need to blame each other. But attitude might be the reason you’re not being forgiven. Work on your attitude and try to restore your friendship.

Patience. When we apologise and expect forgiveness from our loved ones, we want it instantly especially because we feel they owe it to us. After all they hurt us and we forgive them too. But that’s not how things work. If you’re trying to patch boundaries and your partner is refusing, keep calm. Certainly it will hurt, you will feel offended but patience pays. You need patience to continue being nice to a rude person while your partner also needs time to grieve. It takes time to get over certain things and space is his right.

Get on with your life. They say holding on is strength but sometimes it might be wisdom. If after praying, talking, being overly nice, apologising over and over, nothing changes, it might be time to go your separate ways.

Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating:  How do you cope with a drunk as a partner?

Join our WhatsApp Conversation every Sunday by 8pm or send in your comments (50 words) to the phone number, email address above or Twitter handle: @WhatsAppConvs

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