Domestic violence called verbal abuse in marriage

LET me open this write up with this extract from a post I got through an elderly man on a WhatsApp platform last week. It is the provoking thought for this write up

“Everybody is hung up on domestic abuse by men against women. Nobody spares a moment to find solutions to the equally devastating verbal abuse men suffer in the hands of their wives. It is worse because men can’t discuss what their wives do to them for fear of scorn and derision. They suffer in silence. Time bomb.

Unfortunately, the Nigeria has little or no support systems for this kind of situation. Little or no counselling services. It’s been mostly left to the church to deal with. What happens when the man doesn’t go to church? What happens when the woman doesn’t believe in spiritual intervention? These women are raising daughters. Their daughters are hearing and seeing how they speak to and treat their husband. What kind of wives will they grow up to become? Those that treat their husbands as kings or those that believe husbands are nothing but verbal punching bags?”

A lot has been said about the evil of wife battering in our land, but no voice is heard loud and clear about wives’ verbal abuse against their husbands. It is a general belief that a woman has a greater capacity for words than a man. Women talk a lot. It is like a weapon in their possession, with which they can build or destroy their husbands. If only wives realise how powerful this weapon is, they will be careful in deploying it against their husbands. Many husbands are in a terrible state of disrepair due to the verbal assault from their wives. Such verbal diarrhoea includes the following: “Are you a husband or a horse”; “ I regret marrying an idiot illiterate like you “; “ If you are a husband, proof it now with your money “; “ I never knew I was marrying suffering unlimited as a husband “; “ You are not better than a spare tyre”; “Your mother just wasted her energy giving birth to a liability”. In fact, the list is endless.

“You want to know the truth? This is what most men go through in their houses. The labour and toil and build respect but when they return home, the one who ought to speak to the king in them tears them to shreds and tries to deflate their self-esteem. When they are outside, they try to act cheerful and happy but back home; they are shrivelled because the person they live with makes it a point of duty to verbally assault them.

The point is that with verbal assault, a man’s self esteem is battered and torn to shreds. A wife’s insulting words are all what a husband needs to excuse his misdeeds be it stealing, robbery, fraud, wife battering e.t.c. I have heard stories of how some husbands ended up in the occult or money rituals process due to verbal assault from their wives. When a woman wants to destroy her husband, her words alone are strong enough a weapon. Once deployed, the mission is easily accomplished. When a husband suffers such verbal assault from his wife, misbehaviour becomes as simple as learning A.B.C. for him.

Someone wrote “Our bars are filled with men who are afraid to go home to their wives for fear of what verbal torment they will go through. Men are finding every excuse to travel because they’ll rather be anywhere than in their own homes.”

Not only that, a lot of accidents on our roads caused by husbands who have become frustrated in life from verbal assault from their wives. They get behind the wheels and get lost in thought about their predicament at home, such that before you call Jack Robinson, the damage has been done.

That is why it is high time serious attention is given to wife’s verbal assault on their husbands. It will save us a lot of stress addressing domestic physical violence against wives. If wives will learn to watch their tongue, it will go a long way in curbing wife battering. We must deliberately tutor wives on the evils of verbal assault on their husbands.

We’ve all agreed and rightfully so that a man has no business beating his wife. At the same time, it is high time we stopped wives from raining verbal missiles at their husbands. To neglect the latter while dissipating energy on the former is tantamount to chasing the shadow. Verbal assault must henceforth be given a prominent attention in our marital discuss at all forums.

 

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