Cohabitation before marriage: Pain or gain?

COHABITATION is common among people in the western world and is now eroding the institution called marriage. It is an arrangement between two people who are not married but live together. It often evolves in romantic or sexually intimate relationship on a long term or permanent basis. It is an act that has been greeted with mixed feelings as many classify the act as a way of increasing intimacy between two people while some see it as an act that promotes the defilement of the bed. Thus, is cohabitation before marriage a pain or gain?

 

On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our experts said on the issue:

 

Momoh Charles

Co-habitation before marriage has its gains and pains.  Co-habitation before marriage will allow the partners to foresee what awaits them when they eventually settle down. Nothing is hidden per se. However, it’s against the tradition of African societies. Besides, over-exposure of the two lovers to each other may have adverse effect on the love and feelings they have for each other before they settle down as husband and wife. Our society frowns on such relationships.

 

Rey Ofure

It has never and would never be a gain but pain. Because when you cohabit before marriage, you’re automatically doing the things meant for marriage already. So, at the end of the day, the question most guys ask themselves is why do I need to pay for the marriage rights when I’ve gotten the whole thing for free? In other words, cohabitation is pain because the values and potentials are lost. 95% of guys who cohabited with ladies ended up not marrying these ladies. Because the act portrays the woman as being cheap and I share the same views with them.  It is more of pain and no gain. Steer clear.

 

 

Chimamanda Amanda

Co-habitation has more disadvantages than advantages. Thus, I see it to be more of pain than gain.  Cohabiting is like putting the cart before the horse and it is best to stay off it in order to help protect my value as a lady.

 

Ahmed Taiwo Dekemi

Co-habitation before marriage depends on who and who is involved in the relationship, we have people who actually knew they won’t marry each other and still went ahead to live together and we have some who do not stay together and still ended up marrying each other, this depends on the individuals, and also on discipline. Initially, it is not something to be proud of, or supported, even it is not Biblical, but it happens. People get involved in it with different mindsets but it calls for strong discipline.

 

Lanre Oseni

It is  immoral, indecent and ugly to cohabit before marriage and to those avoiding it before marriage, it is a gain. They will be free from possible potential diseases. A flagrant disobedience implies a pain. Since, both believe they would live together, why the “rush”? My personal opinion is it is pain when done before marriage while there is a huge gain when done after the wedding proper.

 

Oluwatobi Pase

It is pain that would lead to gain. Co-habitation will let you know the kind of personality you are going to get married to due to different backgrounds and perspectives of life. During the process of experiencing this change. You can decide to cope with it and see it as a comma you have to live with.  On the other hand, if you see that you can’t live with this personality it’s easier to cut the relationship rather than to endure then divorce later. So, it has pain and gain. Don’t expect everything about these two personalities to be rosy all the time, only if they are deceiving each other.

 

Olusunmade Fiyinfoluwa

Cohabitation would definitely be a pain. Considering both individuals, they would have thought it would help them to know each other better but it’s a lie. Acting like you are married while you are not, can lead to disrespect. The lady loses her value in the sight of the man. The man doesn’t see any need of making any further commitment because he is enjoying everything a married man would enjoy. In most cases, the marriage would be postponed or shifted indefinitely. The lady also would have lost a lot of time while she is proving to be wife material or a responsible woman. She would have exercised the virtuous woman character in vain but she won’t want to leave because he promised marriage or it is too late to leave. She had come too far and won’t want to leave because of friends and relatives who had seen them as prospects.

 

EXPERT SPEAKS

Mojisola Hamzat is our expert on this issue. Cohabitation before marriage in the long run will lead to unavoidable pain. How? This could happen in different ways, I will state a few. It will lead to fornication; the point is why rush into something you’ll do for the rest of your life? Though some people are of the school of thought that it breeds intimacy but I believe there are several other ways to be intimate other than cohabiting. Also, it gives the man the notion that he’s married thus delaying the marriage plans. Why marry when he can have it all without getting married? I think that there’s a need for people to know their worth and stop settling for less when you can get the best. Cohabitation before marriage might seem sweet but eventually leads to pain.

Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating:  How do you cope with a rigid partner?

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