Remember the Biblical story of how Joseph was ganged up against and thrown inside the pit by his envious brothers, who hated him for being their father’s favourite child? Well, that is just one of the countless people that have been through one or two struggles because they are their parents’ favourite. Favouritism is more common in both first and particularly last-born children.
Although, as humans, we all have our favourites in everything from clothes to shoes to cars and so forth. The list seems to be endless. As good as it is to have favourite things, it is best not to show favouritism, especially when it comes to children.
There is no crime in having a favourite child. Nor does it make you a bad parent, either, as almost every parent has one. What is wrong and dangerous, however, is making it too obvious. This can emotionally affect the other children. Rubbing your preference for a particular child in the face of the others does not only pose a threat to the child, but your entire family as a whole.
Here are some of the reasons you should not make your favourite child is obvious.Â
1. It breeds jealousy and hatred among the childrenÂ
Jealousy, hatred, rivalry, and enmity are very common phenomena among siblings whose parents have a favourite child. There will always be unhealthy jealousy and hatred towards the favourite child. There have been many situations where siblings intentionally hurt, and even went as far as kidnapping or killing their parent’s favourite child out of jealousy.
2. It may lead to low self-esteem
If as a parent you constantly show more praise, love, and care towards a particular child at the expense of the rest, then you may be indirectly killing their self-esteem and unconsciously making them feel less important. Children love to be shown love and praise by their parents. Children get motivated when shown love and encouragement by their parents and get demotivated when shown the opposite.
3. It may damage your relationship with your children
Once you make your favourite child obvious, it may be difficult for you as a parent to have a healthy relationship with other children who are not your favourite. Children who perceive parental favouritism will find it difficult to open up to you as their parent and seek your support when they have problems. Neglected children are also likely to develop hatred towards you as a parent.
4. It may turn the favourite child into a spoiled brat
When you over pamper a child at the expense of others, it may turn such a child into a spoiled brat. The fact that you always overlook that child’s wrongdoing might make them believe they can break any rule and get away with it. They can also grow to become overbearing and develop an entitlement mentality.
5. It may push the less favour child(ren) into depression
Flaunting who your favourite child is can also make your other children feel unloved, lonely, and depressed and can equally contribute to their behavioural problems.Â
You are making it obvious who your favorite child is if you do these.
- You talk more about the child than others
- You always take the side of the child in a case of conflict with another sibling(s)
- You buy gifts for your favorite child the most
- You pay attention to the child more than the others
- You sing the praise of a particular child the most
- The child gets away with anything and hardly gets scoldedÂ
- You care more about a particular childÂ
Conclusion
You don’t need to beat yourself up for having a favourite child. Almost every parent does that, even though they hate to admit it. But you should be sure to control favoritism and make sure your children know you have unlimited love and support for all of them.Â
That you have a favourite child should be admitted, and your love for your favourite child should not stop you from maintaining healthy and fair relationships with all your other children.
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