Marrying a partner with high/ low libido (2)
I am not saying it is a must you have sex before marriage. But a lot of couples are on ‘Joro’ ranting because they did not know their partners sexually before marriage. It is not only about libido. What is his or her sexual preference? Some women went as far as saying that their husbands asked them to finger their anus or asking for something they do not like which would eventually lead to adultery. It is disgusting. So, to avoid ‘Joro stories’, know your partner sexually.
When you realise you are married to a partner with high libido there should be no problem if you have high libido too. Couples should be able to upgrade each other to meet up because sex is meant to be enjoyed. I trained my husband to meet my standard and he became perfect.
On the other hand, if it is low, they need to use sex boosters to get their standards. But in this part of the world, we are hypocrites and find it difficult to appreciate our partners in bed.
It is not about libido alone. We need to consider sex preferences too. Even a virgin has feelings too. It is best you tell your fiancée or spouse how you feel and how you want to be handled in bed. It is all about communicating to your partner. Let your partner know how you feel. Although so many factors control one’s libido, you do not have to be shy about it.
Marrying either is not the problem. The problem is not communicating or observing how the other partner acts during, before and after sex. Communication brings the main point of understanding and a sense of belonging to each other’s private world. Observing would make you see and also reach a reasonable conclusion. Some people do not like to talk about it, but they act rightly by it.
I feel that we should be aware of our sexual libido before going into marriage. It is necessary to avoid usurpation in marriage. Some ladies are not sure if they are sex freak until they get married. When they get married and they are not sexually satisfied, it becomes a serious issue. That virgins do not know how it feels is a lie because they can fantasise about sex. Most of them are more explicit in describing the act and all they think about is when it will eventually happen. They already have a preconceived mindset, style or how they would want the sex to be. This raises the bar as regards sex and libido.
I would rather go for a low libido. In case we marry and I am on a higher side than him, I would give him natural supplement that would bring him up to my standard because sex is one of the major reasons we got married, and it is very sweet and medicinal. We would try and build our self to our taste.
How did you know your partner had low or high libido? Premarital sex? Reactions could be controlled to present a certain perspective. Sometimes, couples who have not had sex prior to marriage know next to nothing about their sexual capabilities. So, we are left to answer this question for only a part of the populace. But you cannot be religious and have premarital sex. So, religious people, or a bulk of them, have no way of knowing their partners’ capabilities. They usually have to trust their ‘God’ to give them their desired mate.
I would say it is all about discipline, preference and perspective. I have a high libido and I understand how to control it. I could marry someone with a high or low libido.
However, most men have high libido compared to women. Three main steps to solving it are: Have an open mind to the reality of the situation. Accept it—it is not a curse. Talk about it with your partner and work on it. What causes low libido for women is mostly low self-esteem, fatigue, molestation, inexperience, among others. For high libido, it is mostly obsessive daily thoughts, masturbation, early molestation, etc.
The willingness to work on the high or low libido starts with therapy of the mind. If you are ready to switch, it all starts and ends in the sensitisation of the mind. Self-awareness, self-assessment, self-realisation, self-acceptance and self-rehabilitation are necessary. These are the processes to having a balanced libido. Whatever kind of libido you have, engage your mind. Get informed and communicate.
I do not think sex before marriage is proper. Even morally, we need to understand that the primary purpose of marriage is not sex, love making and procreation. So, getting into courtship with the intention of having sex before marriage, is like eating the whole meal while it is still on the stove. Marrying a partner with a higher or lower libido should not be something that requires sexual intercourse.
It is something we could discuss without touching ourselves. Because at one point or the other, most married couples had sex outside of wedlock and did not marry the person or persons they had sex with. So, you should shy away from sexual fantasy. But it gives you more reason to search prayerfully and morally, mentally and psychologically for your best partner. He who finds a wife finds a good thing. A good thing is what gives you joy, pleasure and peace.
Besides, how many couples today know what a libido is? On this junction, it becomes a two-way thing. If intending couples could not talk about their libidos and sexual fantasies, it is now left for a marriage counsellor to help them understand the implications of shying away from it. if this is not properly handled, it could result to the breakage of the marriage they so cherish.
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