Brides should be empowered for a happy married life —Apampa
Bibi Bunmi Apampa is a multiple award-winning, bestselling author, motivational speaker and business coach. She recently co-authored a book, ‘The Nigerian Brides Academy,’ with a group of women called the QueenMakers. In this interview by TAYO GESINDE, she speaks about the book which made it to the Amazon Hot New Release within one week as well as No 1 in the top three categories.
Who are the QueenMakers?
The QueenMakers are women who are empowering women and girls with leadership and entrepreneurship skills so they can be healthy, wealthy and wise. We train, coach, empower, groom, mentor and prepare future female leaders.
What motivated you to write The Nigerian Brides Academy?
Success without a successor is failure, we all have a desire to pass on the torch by preparing our daughters for a happy married life. It is not fair for us to be successful in our marital lives, business and career and not pass on the legacy to our daughters. Secondly, many of us have been involved in coaching, counselling and mentoring young adults, especially marital counselling, over the years so, there was that burden and a passion to see the younger generation succeed in their marital life. The idea was for us to share our experience, strong points and ideas on how we were able to successfully balance career, business, ministry and still have a happy and sweet home.
What exactly is ‘The Nigerian Bride Academy’ all about?
A manual for the wise bride on how to transform their marital relationship into a loving and permanent warm house, warm food and warm bed. Getting it right the first time while making maximum impact in their marriage and relationships.
What are the feedbacks you have been getting from people who have read the book?
The feedback has been very positive and humbling and l find it emotional when going through them on the Amazon market place and on the Nigerian Brides Academy website. A lady said that it’s the most perfect and best wedding gift that she received. A father wrote that it contains correct information about the purpose and principles of marriage. On Amazon.com review someone wrote –“A warm and informative book for any woman about to get married or even thinking about being married someday. This book speaks to the heart of how to be a good wife to your future husband and his family, as well as some things to expect in married life. ”I was pleasantly surprised on Amazon India. A top reviewer wrote: “Rich and Insightful book. Very comprehensive and compact reference book for brides to learn how to build a happy home”
Despite the fact that many couples attend pre-marital counselling, many marriages still end up in divorce. How can reading the book guarantee marital happiness?
No book and nobody can guarantee marital happiness. However, the right practical instruction can help build and sustain a great marriage. It starts with making the right choice of your life partner.
One of the quotes in the book states that “the wedding ring is the smallest handcuff ever made, choose your prison mate carefully and sentence yourself wisely.”
Under the warm house, we have a chapter that highlights questions to ask yourself before saying, “I Do” with a checklist of things to watch out for so that you have the opportunity to still say “NO” even after you’ve said “Yes” before you say “I Do.”
We then go on to discuss housekeeping, home finance, family planning, pregnancy, baby and toddler care all in the warm house section. Submission in the home and empowering relationships, especially with in-laws, with strategies to balance family and career is covered.
In the Warm Food section there is menu planning, food preparation, recipes for Nigerian and intercontinental food, stews, rice dishes, snacks small chops and entertainment dishes, while in the ‘Warm Bed’ section, sexual intimacy, romantic Ideas and enhancing love life are discussed. Finally, what we don’t like talking about but which have caused many ladies heartache are also highlighted, infidelity and emotional affairs.
What distinguishes the book from other books on marriage written by marriage counsellors and even pastors?
It was written as an operational / reference manual to prepare our daughters for marriage – which we have now modified as the template for our “Finishing School for The Bride.”
Before writing the book, we identified three main areas that had caused friction and challenges in our own marriages, which were good food, clean and peaceful home, plus sexual satisfaction hence, the sub-title of ‘Warm House, Warm Food and Warm Bed.’ We then asked ourselves what advice we’ll like to pass on to our daughters that are about to get married based on our own practical experiences in these three areas. We collated the answers, edited and combined them to become the book –’Nigerian Brides Academy.’
Is the book meant only for prospective brides?
No, not only for prospective brides. It is good for brides to be empowered and prepared all round for a happy married life, but mothers need to know how to prepare their daughters for marriage as well. The ladies that are married already who might be going through a difficult phase would need information on what to do to reverse the negative trend and might want to talk in confidence with an independent counsellor who can be contacted through the academy.
The book contains many recipes and instructions on how to prepare Nigerian meals. I’ve been pleasantly surprised and happy when a number of fathers were buying the book for their daughters.
What advice do you have for married people?
Seek to understand each other’s love language.