Would you set a standard for your partner based on traits from other couples?

Everybody has a role model they look up to, adore or tries to imitate as well as exhibit their trait. Most people dress like their role models, follow their principles and their guide to live. This is prominent in many fields and phases of life. However, could such imitation of standard or trait be adopted in marriage or in considering a partner for marriage?

 

On WhatsApp Conversation, these are what those who joined the conversation and our expert said on the issue.

 

Olaoye Adeleye

I would not because people are different, ways of life are different and perspectives about life also differ. The only standard that should be set should be based on the personality of your partner, and that standard should be aimed at making him/her better.

Don’t give up, better days ahead for Nigeria ― Fayose

Adeniyi Joshua

Using other couples’ traits as a standard, would not work. It would only worsen things. There is diversity in two couples. Her background and how she was brought up cannot be overemphasised. We could only strife to be perfect. Some of the people we tend to imitate also have their lapses. Remember, they are human beings too. All I would do is to put in place what works for my spouse and I. What works for others might not work for me.

 

Bolaji Bakare

I do not think it is wise to make other couples your standards. Mr A’s personality might be different from mine. So, copying their patterns of living would only damage my home. It is not advisable to set a standard for my partner based on traits from other couples because we are wired differently.

 

Kikelomo Adekola

Not at all.  One man’s food is another man’s poison. We have different parental backgrounds and different experiences about life. Some people say different things from what they do. So, let us be more careful.

 

Bamidele Segun

Let us get it straight—we all strive to be perfect, same reason why some people are still not married at the moment (waiting for Mr/Miss Right/Perfect). We all have role model(s); if not, at least people we love to be like or act like. Human beings are irrational, but would not concede to the fact that they are. Take the Mummy General Overseer (for most churches) for example. A woman cannot be visiting or be making friends with Mummy GO and when she acts wrongly the first thing you remind her is: But you’re close to Mummy GO. Is this how she behaves? Same way you would ask when she keeps bad friends or companies.

 

Olubanke Olaojo

I would not because what works for A may not work for B. Others should not be baseline for our standard because background, values, interest, personalities and cultures differ.

 

Farida Sanusi

I cannot marry a man like that. It does not work that way. We are not in a competition with anyone. We would help each other be better individuals while we compliment ourselves, not that we would be setting standards based on traits from other couples. I could only point them out, not set them as a standard.

 

Funmi Memudu

Never. We are all different. How could I compare knowing that we can both work on our negative part, but not compare ourselves with other couples? It is even difficult to tell if they are displaying such trait before others and doing otherwise in the comfort of their homes.

 

Princess Oduni

I cannot set a standard for him because he comes from a different background. We should not forget that those couples that I want to use as a standard may not even have a great value as that of my husband. They may be fortunate to have a good relationship in their marriage. Instead of setting a standard, I would encourage him to work on his self-esteem and place value on our relationship or marriage.

 

Rachel Oladiran

I would not. One major lesson I have learnt so far is that what works for one person might not work for the other person. Also, what works for one friendship might not work for another friendship. Not to now talk of marriage. It is even advisable for couples not to compare their marriages to other people’s own. Therefore, I would not set standards for my partner based on traits seen in other couples. I would rather focus on things I and my husband should do for peace to reign in our marriage. The fact that we all come from different cultural and spiritual backgrounds is a reason. In a situation where you are still trying to bridge the gap between you and your partner’s cultural differences, bringing in another cultural trait you saw in another couple would further cause problems. What makes one couple happy could be totally different from what another couple need to be happy.

 

EXPERT SPEAKS

Oladimeji Shola, a communicator, is our expert on this issue. He stressed that standard and traits are vital in every relationship. There is an expected standard from parties involved (which solely depends on them with regards to their essence of being together and what they are aiming at) in a marriage. However, adopting traits from other relationships to set your own standards is not totally a bad idea. The reasonable questions to ask are: Do we actually align with the other relationship? How far have they gone with these traits? Is there something that could be tweaked? Is my partner totally okay with this? Relationships would be better if both parties consider each other in every decision-making process.

 

Next week on WhatsApp Conversation, we would be treating: Who should earn more, the wife or the husband?

 

Join our WhatsApp Conversation every Sunday by 8pm or send in your comments (50 words) to the phone number, email address above or Twitter handle: @WhatsAppConvs

 

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