My sexual urge is killing me

Dear Yemisi,

I am 18 years old. I got admission into the university not long ago. Long before now, I seemed to be having issue with having relationship with ladies. I have never been into any relationship and I have never had sex, but I have a very strong sexual urge. My not having sex till date has to do with my background. I am from a Christian background, coupled with my environment.

But now, I am so confused.  One of my parents is the hard type who is always complaining of my not being social and the talking type which they want. I find it difficult talking to people around me. The truth is, I don’t trust anyone around me enough to discuss such a thing with.

Now, I believe I am in an environment where I can get what I want. My sexual urge is killing me. I have tried talking with the opposite sex to relieve myself of the burden, but to no avail. Sometimes, my interaction with girls gets worse, so I separate myself. I have always tried to do the right thing and I don’t know what to do.

Should I get someone to get it over with?  I don’t know how long I could take this because some of my friends don’t see anything wrong with it.

What do you advise please?

Victor, 0*09*****3*.


Dear Victor,

If I got you right, all you are yearning for is having a sexual partner. Though you did not come straight to hit the issue on the head, but I can understand your predicament.

Victor, you cannot be an island unto yourself just because you don’t have confidence in people around you. Isolating yourself from your environment and people will add to your issues because the tendency for you to stay aloof is very rife.

Thank God for your admission, but you were not admitted to the university for the sole aim of having the independence to lose your sense of thinking. The situation you have found yourself in is one that is common to teenagers like you and it is not a crime for people of your age not to get confused on certain issues that are features of transition from adolescence to adulthood. It is a phase that you have to go through.

You cannot afford to abuse this stage of your life by not being in control of your affairs. From now on, you have to learn to live and communicate with people around you. You need to de-emphasise self from your thinking as well as first believing in yourself. If you don’t do this, you cannot see good  in others. Otherwise you will become an object of ridicule that others will be avoiding. Your friends who are already vast in the trade will want you to join them, but do you have to join the multitude to do evil? Wanting to satisfy your sexual needs now will only land you in trouble.

What if you end up impregnating whoever relieves you of your long standing desire just at your shot at sexual intercourse? Are you ready to bear the consequences?  It will be in your interest to do a thing at a time.

You have to cultivate friendship with the members of the opposite sex before you introduce what should be a future matter than satisfying your immediate need. The moment you go about this carelessly, you are not likely to have it smooth with ladies soonest.

Victor, please, in the quest to establish a mutual relationship with any lady, you must not be guided by your peers attitude of ‘peck and go’. Right from onset, have it at the back of your mind that you are not sexually hungry so as not to build your future on a shaky foundation. Having just a fling goes beyond a five-minute affair! For now, you need members of the opposite sex more as friends than lovers. The purpose of your admission should be established before any frivolity is introduced. If you ask me, your academics are your number one priority. Gaining admission is not just for the fun of it, but the ability to justify that you were not admitted to that school in error.

Your friends are not likely to be there when the chips are down. Continue to be the good guy you have been. Pray alongside for God’s guidance.