Are you bored with your sex life (II)

Last week, my husband gave us some tips on how to bring adventure into our marriage as against exercising the thought of trying out a new sex partner as a cure for sexual boredom. The piece continues today and like I advised last week, don’t just enjoy it but be ‘a doer.’ For it is not the reading that is blessed but the doer of what is read.


Play funny, silly games

Engaging in games such as ‘Hide and Seek’, ‘Whoever finishes a piece of meat first takes one more’, etc sets you in the mood for real sex actions. I remember a couple in my area. As I entered their living room, I met the husband complaining about his wife disturbing his peace and not allowing him to rest by running her finger tip along his foot repeatedly. Of course, the wife was only trying to put him in the mood, but he was not quick to discern it. I simply chipped in my tip and left the scene immediately. No wonder the husband never forgot to thank me days afterwards.

The game is all about teasing each other to the point of sexual provocation. It draws couples intimately to each other. Life should not be too serious. Like my wife’s younger sister will jokingly say, “You better learn to relax, so that you will not collapse.”  A person who does nothing to relax will definitely collapse one day. It is a matter of time.

Psychiatrist and sex therapist, Barbara Bartlik, M.D., explains why silly games lead to crazy sex: “Bringing an item into the bedroom, like a board game, forces you to think about how you’re going to use this item to make the experience different. Whoever dreamed up the idea feels triumphant, while the other person feels well attended to. These positive experiences feed our relationships and make love last. Whether it’s Scrabble or Battleship, it doesn’t really matter. The best thing is, it takes the guesswork out of communication. It gives us structure, and it’s fun to have a built-in forum to ask for what we want sexually.”


 Schedule special sex moments

Better sex will lead to more sex, says Dr. Bartlik. So forget the quickies, and love each other for a long time. Schedule an appointment that neither of you is allowed to cancel. Lying in bed on Saturday mornings or Sunday evenings is a good example. You might just chat or touch each other from head to toe, savouring your bodies under the sheets. This helps your connectivity level.

You will find this scheduled moment quite helpful if your daily schedule does not allow for sexual activity during the week, or if parental responsibilities are fast eroding your sex life. A wife has this to say about their sex life: “When we first met, we had sex every day; but we’re parents now and don’t have as much time. Now it’s just once a week. But with an hour or two of sexual activity at the weekends, it’s always amazing and meaningful.”


Plan an excursion

When sexual fire has gone down, a vacation or excursion can be a perfect way to rekindle the fire. For Lesley and Tim, sex isn’t just part of a vacation; it’s the very reason for the getaway. So, vacations afford couples the many opportunities to have sex. Talking about vacation, an average Nigerian thinks vacation is all about travelling out and when they can’t afford it, they just erase it complete from their mind but it is not until you travel out of the country that you can take a vacation. You can take a vacation to a friend to lives in a quieter place than yours where you know you won’t be disturbed. It can even be to such a place like your village. No thinking of workload or home work or house chores. Attention is focused on each other all the time. So, it is enjoyment unlimited.

You don’t have to fly to a far-flung land to take your sexual satisfaction to new altitudes. “Surprise your partner on a random Monday or Tuesday,” suggests Megan Andelloux, director of the Miko Learning and Resource Center, in Providence, Rhode Island. “At dusk, blindfold her and lead her to the car. As you drive to a remote location, her excitement will build. When you arrive, take off her blindfold and spend lots of time making out in your car before relocating to your predetermined love nest. Even if you end up just one or two kilometres from home, the sex adventure will be worthwhile.”

In response to my readers’ request, I have packaged some of my previous articles into a book with the title: ENJOYING GREAT SEXLIFE. You can call me for details.